While I Was Sleeping
by IDontDance.Ever
Summary: It's a weird situation she finds herself in. When she falls asleep in the normal world, she wakes up in some kind of parallel universe where Quinn's dating Finn, and she's dating Puck of all people. PxR with a slight supernatural twist
1. strange dreams

**Title: **While I Was Sleeping

**Summary: **It's a weird situation she finds herself in. When she falls asleep in the normal world, she wakes up in some parallel universe where Quinn's dating Finn, and she's dating Puck of all people

**A/N: **I honestly have no idea where this one came from...but I'm really bored this summer, and dont have much else to do.

This story is probably looking to be around 10 or so chapters long, give or take a few. Heavy mentions of Quick and Finchel, because Puckleberry is always made a little better with drama added to it. The plotline has nothing to do with the movie of a similar name, it's just a happy coincidence :) . Rating subject to change, depending on whether or not I pluck up the courage.

Spoilers up to "Hold Onto Sixteen", then goes AU.

**Warning: **Probably some swearing, because something Puck and I have in common is a mouth fouler than a sailors

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Glee, then I would be writing the show, and not stuck on this site

* * *

><p>Rachel has spent years and years building up barriers around her to protect herself from harm.<p>

It's funny how they can all come crashing down with one hurtful comment.

"_God, Rachel, do you realise how freaking annoying you are? Newsflash, midget, no one gives a crap about you, or your nasally, pathetic excuse for a voice." _

She knows deep down that Santana says stuff like that to everyone, and it's not even the worst thing she's said to her. It really shouldn't affect her so much, and normally it wouldn't.

But today, today's been a bad day. She oversleeps this morning, and only just gets to first period on time, narrowly missing what would have been a big black 'tardy' mark on her permanent record. There's a surprise pop quiz in Maths, a B- mark on an essay in English, and the experiment she was carrying out in Science fails miserably when she pours in too much sulphuric acid, causing the whole mixture to foam up and bubble out of the beaker, spilling all over the desk and the floor (Mr Ross was _not_ impressed). And to top it all off, when she walks into Glee that afternoon, she sees Santana all over Finn, touching his collar and giggling in what can only be a blatant display of flirtation. Seeing as her boyfriend isn't exactly pushing Santana away, it only furthers Rachel's bad mood. Seething, she sits down in one of the seats up the front, and doesn't acknowledge Finn when he sits down beside her, draping his arm across the back of her chair.

Sometimes, his ignorance is less than bliss.

Once everyone's in and settled down, Mr Schuester announces that the theme for Regionals this year is _Youth_, and that this year, he wants to start rehearsing early to ensure that they definitely get a spot at Nationals. Rachel immediately raises her hand, and doesn't wait to be called upon before speaking (A proper diva _shouldn't _have to).

"Mr Schuester, I was just wondering if I could possibly have one of the solos for this performance. It would only be fair, considering I didn't get to perform at _all_ in Sectionals, due to my incredibly prejudiced suspension. I've been working on my voice all Christmas break, and I do think I have improved remarkably since we all last heard me sing up on the stage." She can sense people rolling their eyes, but she doesn't let it bother her. Nothing fazes a future-Diva.

"Uh, yeah, that sounds fair, Rachel. We have gotten pretty far on your voice before."

"Excellent," she continues, not breaking her stride. "Now, I have some suggestions for songs to go with this theme, but before I mention them, what style do you think we should perform this in? It's crucial we choose this early, lest we find ourselves in the same situation we've been in many times over. I propose we dedicate a meeting to discussing this, a decision is necessary soon."

Rachel hears a scoff from behind her, and she turns around in her seat. "Is there a problem, Santana?" she asks. Santana raises an eyebrow at her, before sitting up straight.

"God, Rachel, do you realise how freaking annoying you are? Newsflash, midget, no one gives a crap about you, or your nasally, pathetic excuse for a voice."

Santana's scathing words cut right through Rachel, and she freezes in her seat, astonished. She can vaguely make out the shape of Santana smirking, and Quinn shaking her head at the girl, before offering Rachel a sympathetic smile. She turns to Finn, in the hopes that he'll say something to make it all better. It's what he's good at, after all.

When Finn says nothing, and only gives her a blank stare in return, that's when she stands up from her seat, and storms out of the room. Puck's voice trails behind her, following her out the door. "I think you went a little too far there, Lopez." She doesn't stick around to hear Santana's answer. Instead, she walks out of the building towards the direction of her car, willing the tears to stay inside her eyes.

*/*

At home, sitting on her bed, the tears come pouring out. She's knows it's silly (It's not the first time she's been rudely insulted at one of those meetings), but that doesn't stop it hurting.

And what hurts the most is the fact that Finn didn't stand up to her. She didn't get her boyfriend acting like the knight in shining armour that he should have been. That's what hurt.

She chokes back a sob, and reaches for the journal she keeps on her bedside table. It's sitting next to the picture of Finn she had framed. It was taken when they were in New York last year, in front of Central Park. Rachel likes to look at it, and pretend that at the end of this year, he's coming back to that place with her. Going to college with her in New York rather than staying in Ohio. A sob escapes from her throat, and she sniffles as she opens the journal, pulling the pen out of the binder to write what is expected to be a fairly angry and depressing entry.

Twenty minutes through, her phone rings on the bed next to her. She wishes it was Finn calling, but seeing as she's not hearing his personalised ringtone (_Grease_'s 'You're The One That I Want', what else?), it looks like that particular wish isn't coming true. Looking at the display, she's more than surprised to see Noah's name. "Hello?" she says, warily. You could never be too sure with that boy.

"_Hey, Rach. Just wanted to see if you were alright. You left the choir room pretty quickly." _

Rachel smiles. It's nice to know that _someone_ cares enough to see how you're doing, even if Puck wasn't exactly the first person on her list she expected to care.

"I'm doing fine, thanks, Noah. I think writing an entry in my journal was pretty effective in letting go of all that teenage angst I seemed to be holding." She hears him laugh on the other end.

"_Ah, it's good to know. You looked pretty pissed at San." _He pauses for a second. _"Which is kinda understandable, seeing as she's a bit of a bitch sometimes." _

She giggles into the receiver, unable to disagree. "I don't think 'sometimes' is the right word to use in that situation. Something more along the lines of 'constantly' would have fit better. Anyway, I think I'll be alright. Just a slight waver in my defences is all. Everyone has their bad days, I guess this was one of mine" Rachel sighs, and pushes the hair back off her face. "Don't you just wish sometimes that you could do something over? Start off on a clean slate and see if you could do it better the next time around?" There's a moment of silence before Puck answers.

"_Yeah, I do. I wish for that quite a lot, actually. There's heaps of things that if I had the chance, I'd do over, you know? Do it right instead of fucking up, which is what I do almost all the time." _

She feels a sudden bout of sympathy for the boy she's on the phone with. To be honest, Rachel's always been a little sorry for Puck. High school had not been kind to either of them.

"You'll get your big break soon, Noah. I promise. What goes around comes around, and after looking at all the terrible things that have happened to you, I predict that a happy streak for you is just around the corner." Puck laughs again, and Rachel smiles.

"_Thanks, Rach. Means a lot, it really does." _

"Say nothing of it," she replies. They both say their goodbyes, and Rachel hangs up, considerably happier than she was before his call. She wipes the remaining tears from her eyes, and lies back on her bed. Despite the fact it's still early in the evening, she feels incredibly tired. Her eyes start to shut as her brain slowly winds down. Before she closes her eyes, she sees the photo of Finn smiling at her from the table. She glares at it, before drifting off to sleep.

As she's pulled slowly into the realm of unconsciousness, the words from her phone call with Puck ring through her head.

"_Don't you just wish sometimes that you could do something over?" _

*/*

Her dream that night is weird to say the least. She's always had peculiar dreams, but this one's oven more so than normal.

In the dream, she's hovering over her bed, watching another version of herself sleeping below her. She starts focusing on the steady breathing of her form, chest rising and falling as she sleeps on the bed.

And suddenly, it's like someone's pressed a rewind button, and she's watching the whole day go backwards. The other Rachel wakes up, goes back on the phone with Puck, writes in her diary and then walks out of the bedroom. Before she knows it, she's back in the Glee meeting, where Santana's telling her that her voice is nasally, and Finn's just sitting there, not saying a word, that dopey look plastered on his face.

The tape moves faster and faster, skipping through winter break, then Sectionals, her presidential campaign, the production of West Side story. Senior year passes by her eyes in a flash, and junior year soon follows, only letting her get small fragments of the scenes of her life. It's all confusing and very fast, and she's not sure what's going on. To say she's freaked out would be an understatement.

It continues to rewind through sophomore year, finally stopping on the football field, of all places. She's more confused than ever (what's so important about a _football field_?), until she spots the bleachers. Or rather, the two people sitting on them. Rachel finds herself almost…floating over to the stands until she's right in front of the scene. It's one moment in her life that she's definitely not going to forget in a hurry.

It's the moment that she breaks up with Puck.

And sure enough, she can see herself doing it. Telling him that she thinks their relationship isn't going to work out. That they're both in love with other people, and the only reason she really dated him was to make Finn jealous.

She never did see the look on his face when she broke up with him. He almost looks…hurt.

The strange thing is, while the other Rachel is telling Puck this, he's not saying a word. Rachel remembers him brushing her off, telling her he didn't care. Why was it so different now? He's just sitting there in silence, looking slightly pathetic. She kind of wants to give him a hug.

Dream-Rachel gets up from her seat and starts to walk away. Dream-Puck gets up quickly from his seat, and grabs at her arm. _"What are you doing?"_ she sees herself ask, glancing at his hand on her skin.

Dream-Puck stares down at his feet for a second, before looking up to meet her eyes. _"I know you're all head-over-heels for Finnocence, and I kind of, like, have something for Quinn, but they're not breaking up anytime soon. And I don't know about you, but I don't plan on moping around like some fuckin' sad puppy while I wait for the power couple of the century to break up." _

She stares at him, confused. _"What are you saying, Noah?" _

"_What I'm saying is…if we've got something going on here that works just fine, I don't see why we _should_ break it up, just 'cause we're not gonna get the person we really want." _He trails his hand further up her arm, until it's resting on her shoulder, and brings the other one up to rest on the opposite side. _"The way I see it, we could kinda help each other out here. I could help you forget about Finn, and you could help me forget about…her." _Dream-Rachel gives him a small smile, before pulling him into a hug and whispering; _"Ok," _into his ear. Rachel can see Dream-Puck grinning as he holds her a little tighter.

"_You're gonna let me touch your boobs, though, right?" _Dream-Rachel laughs, and leans up to kiss him on the cheek.

The scene then starts to fast-forward back, and Rachel watches her life that she was shown earlier, except this time, it's different. Instead of seeing her and Finn together, she sees her and Puck. She gets glimpses of him driving her to school in her truck, and taking her on dates to BreadstiX. She sees the two of them doing homework in her room, with Puck paying more attention to her than his English textbook. She sees them both performing on stage at the Regionals performance before Beth's birth, singing a duet together like they were the only two people in the world.

She sees them making out in his room after he watched her mother take his daughter home. Rachel watches him slowly pull her shirt over her shoulders. Then, the scene changes, and they're moving through their junior year together, hand in hand down the hallways every morning, sitting next to each other in Glee and eating lunch at the same table. He's the one who takes her to junior prom instead of her having to split a date with Mercedes. They dance to Tina singing 'A Whiter Shade of Pale', and he whispers that he loves her in her ear, while fingering the purple corsage he bought her on her wrist. The moment is perfect, and Rachel can't bring herself to care that it's with the entirely wrong guy.

The flashbacks end with her watching herself sleep again, her breathing the same as it was before her little journey. She's not entirely sure what's just happened. That felt slightly too real for a dream. She's definitely never had one like that before. She kind of wishes she won't ever again.

Rachel's eyes slowly open, and she cringes her face at the sunlight streaming in from the curtains. Groaning, she pushes herself out of bed, and takes a look at the clock on her bedside table.

The first warning sign is that Finn's picture is missing. The second is that it's been replaced by one of her and Noah. Confused, she grabs it off the table to take a closer look. The only thing that's the same between this one, and the one that was previously there, is the backdrop of Central Park.

She replaces the picture on the bedside table, and pushes herself out of bed. Is it possible that she's still dreaming? She pinches herself to make sure, and hisses at the pain. If this is a dream, it definitely doesn't feel like one.

She gets dressed in a plaid skirt and button down black shirt, and brushes out her hair, still a little disorientated. After a quick trip to her bathroom, she walks downstairs. Just to, you know, check her two fathers hadn't been replaced by two mothers in this…whatever this was.

Rachel lets out a sigh when she sees her dads sitting at the table like they normally do every morning. She kisses each of them on the cheek, before heading into the kitchen to make herself some toast. Dream or not, she's still hungry. Two slices get popped in the toaster, and she pours herself some apple juice while waiting for them to cook.

She's eaten one of the slices when she hears a car horn outside. She grabs the other, along with her school bag, and walks out the front door, chewing the toast as she walks down the front steps. She's honestly not shocked to see Puck standing in her driveway, leaning lazily against his truck. Keeping in theme with the dream, of course.

"Sup, babe?" he says, taking her bag from her shoulders and throwing it in the front seat of the truck. She's about to protest (her personal property should be handled with the _highest_ of care, and nothing less), when he wraps an arm around her waist and pulls her in close, pressing his lips to hers.

Just like the pinch, this kiss feels very, very real. Rachel's too taken aback by it all to respond as his lips move against hers, and his hand tangles into her air. She's vaguely aware of one of his hands moving down to her hip to pull her closer to him, but mostly, it's just a blur.

He's always been a good kisser, she remembers that very well; it's just that it's been a while, and she's forgotten _just_ how good he was. For about a minute, every rational thought leaves her head, and she's kissing him back, weaving her arms around the back of his neck. It takes her a second to remember, _Hang on, this isn't my boyfriend. _

Rachel pulls away quickly, wiping her lips on the back of her hand. Puck looks at her for a second, confused, before shrugging his shoulders.

"S'fine. We got time to make out in our free second period anyway." He presses a quick kiss to the hinge of her jaw, and gets inside his truck. "You coming?"

Rachel nods slowly, before opening the door and sitting close to the window, as far away from Puck as she can manage. He raises an eyebrow at her and slides an arm around her waist, pulling her close to his side.

"You're acting all strange this morning, Rach. Everything okay, or do I need to beat someone up?" The look of concern seems so out of place with his words, and Rachel has to fight back a laugh. This certainly is an interesting dream she's cooked up.

"No, I assure you, everything's just fine, Noah. I'm certain it will all be fixed by the end of the day," she replies, resting her hands on her lap. Puck still looks confused, but he brushes it off as he starts up the engine. Rachel looks out the window the whole car trip, wondering just what else about this world is different.

*/*

She has to practically wrestle her bag out of Puck's arm in the carpark, informing him that she is more than capable of carrying it herself. He laughs and playfully shoves her shoulder, telling her it's his job as a boyfriend to be "_all chivalrous and shit for my girl, 'cause she deserves the best_". It's a rather sweet gesture, if not a little Neanderthal-like. She thinks the way he slings an arm over her shoulder as they walk is kind of sweet as well.

Inside the school, Rachel half-expects everyone to be shocked at her and Puck together (she knows she was). No one really seems to care though. Hardly anyone looks at them as they walk down the hall together, stopping outside Rachel's locker. Puck swings open the one next to her, pulling out his books. The locker that _used_ to be Finn's. She remembers having a very long argument with her old locker-neighbour about switching with her boyfriend. Did she do the same for Puck? There's so much missing about this world that she really needs to find out.

She shakes her head in disbelief at all the photos of Puck in her locker. It almost seems like there's more in here of him then there are of Finn in her real locker. _Must be the dream_, she tells herself. It _has_ to be the dream.

Rachel hears a giggle coming from somewhere to her left. She turns her head to see Quinn, decked from head to toe in a Cheerio's outfit, with her arms around Finn. He's holding onto her waist, pressing kisses all over the side of her neck and face. Quinn moves her head slightly, and catches eyes with Rachel. She smirks, before turning back to the boy who is very obviously _her_ boyfriend now. There's a spark of jealousy stirring in Rachel, and she has to hold herself down from marching over there and slapping Quinn across the face. It's the thought that, in the real world, she's the one dating Finn, not to mention being friends with Quinn, that stops her.

When the bell rings, Puck takes her hand in his, and walks with her to first period, dropping her outside her advanced English class with a small kiss. She watches him walk down the hall, before he turns a corner and disappears from sight, pondering exactly how their relationship had lasted for nearly two years, when their original one only lasted a week.

In second period, he picks her up outside her class and drags her to a closet, where, she's ashamed to say, she gives in to a make-out session with him (his words, not hers). Is this what Dream-Rachel would do? Make out with Puck for a whole period instead of using the time to study? (Which is what the free period was allocated for and _should_ be used for.) It's strange, and not exactly unwelcomed. It makes her wonder how far she and Dream-Puck have gotten –base wise, that is. She knows that in the real world, she and Finn have…made love…a few times. And they were all lovely. Really, they were.

But it's a thought that's crossed her mind before (mostly in the short week that they dated). What would sex with Puck be like? And would she prefer it to sex with Finn? She knows that being intimate with someone you love feels better most of the time than someone you don't, but would Puck's experience –and she knows he's got plenty of that –weigh out her feelings for Finn. And anyway, Dream-Rachel obviously seems to like Dream-Puck enough.

Rachel shakes the thoughts out of her head. She's already kissed the Puck in this world, and that felt enough like cheating. She can't imagine the guilt she would feel if she seduced him, even if this wasn't technically real.

*/*

The two sit together at lunch, alone at their own little table. Puck feeds her fruit salad with a plastic fork, and she giggles every time he misses her mouth (which is more often than not). He wipes away a small bit on mango on the side of her mouth with his thumb, and stares up at Rachel with a small smile on his face. It's a smile she rarely ever sees on him, and she decides it's one of her favourites on him. She smiles back at him, stealing a sip of his orange juice.

Puck rests his chin on his hand, looking deep into her eyes. "I love you, Rach, I really do." She chokes on the juice, spluttering it down the front of her shirt. Whatever she was expecting him to say, it wasn't that. Puck grabs for a serviette, and dabs at her chest, drawing up some of the moisture. She'd accuse him of copping a cheap feel, but she doesn't think that's his motive. And that freaks her out a little.

"Oh god, I'm so clumsy," she says, staring forlornly at the stains on her shirt that she just _knows_ won't come out. And yes, even in the dream that bothers her.

Puck smirks. "It's cool, babe. Just proves I can still make you feel shit." His tone is slightly cocky, and she glares at his back as he grabs both their trays to take them away. Makes sense that both Pucks are arrogant…_assholes_.

She can barely concentrate in class next period, her mind on the three little words that Puck had said to her in the cafeteria. Three little words that Finn rarely ever said to her (even if she knew he felt them), and Puck could say it so easily. Like saying any other words. It shouldn't matter so much. It really shouldn't.

She finds herself looking over at Finn, who's sitting a few desks over, chatting with Mike. A part of her (a rather large part) just wishes she could get out of her seat and sit at the empty desk next to him, holding hands under the table like they normally do.

But, in this dream, doing just that would cause her great embarrassment. And if there's one thing Rachel hates being, it's embarrassed. The feeling of everyone looking at you with scorn in their eyes, not bothering to stifle their giggles; it's what she used to go through every day before she found friends. And even after that sometimes. She won't go through it now. She _won't_.

Finn looks her way, and she's startled for a second. Rachel quickly composes herself and smiles friendly at the boy, giving him a small wave. He looks uncomfortable, and after glancing round the classroom, gives her the tiniest of smiles in return. Confused, Rachel turns her head back to the teacher. Surely, even if they weren't dating, she and Finn would be friends at least? She can't even _imagine_ hurting him in anyway, let alone not talking to him at all. Maybe Dream-Rachel was different in that way.

Dream-Rachel was turning out to be different in a lot of ways.

After class, she races out the door after Finn, and grabs his arm in an attempt to make him stand still. The look of shock on his face would almost be adorable if she wasn't so irritated. "Hey, Finn," she starts. "I don't think I got a chance to say hello to you this morning, so…hello." Rachel mentally slaps herself. Smooth, Rachel. Really smooth.

Finn eyes widen as he tries to stutter a response. "I…um, well, uh…hi?" He prises her arm off his, rubbing the skin where her hand was. "Is this about Glee? 'Cause I didn't figure out any songs to do for Regionals, and I know you told us all to, and I'm real sorry I didn't, but I've been super busy with football, and college applications, and Quinn's been on my back about so much lately –I accidentally forgot her cats birthday last week, and she went mental."

"No, Finn this isn't about Glee." Rachel stops for a second. "Don't we ever talk about anything non-Glee related?"

He raises an eyebrow at her. "Rachel, we don't talk at all." Finn looks over her shoulder down the hall. "Oh, crap, that's Quinn. I gotta go before she sees me with you, or she's gonna blow."

Rachel watches Finn run down the halls to Quinn, who glares at him. She can just make out her saying "What were you doing with Rachel? You know how I feel about you hanging around with her"

It almost breaks her heart when she sees Finn respond with "Quinn, stop worrying. She's not important."

_It's not real_, she has to tell herself over and over.

_It's not real_

*/*

In Glee, she sits in her usual spot at the front (it's where all the real action is). It doesn't surprise her that Puck comes to sit on her right.

Santana taking the seat on her left however, does.

She gives the girl a confused look and Santana simply smiles in return.

"And how's my favourite bitch going this afternoon?" she drawls, swinging her arm around the back of Rachel's chair. Rachel gives the arm a cautious look, before replying.

"I'm going very well, thank you," she says shakily. Santana slaps her on the back and says, "Good to hear."

Rachel glances around to see if anyone else sees anything weird in this.

Nothing. This friendship must be normal here.

(If you can call it that)

Mr Schuester walks in with a large folder underneath his arm, and motions for everyone to be quiet.

"Alright, guys, settle down. Now, the official information for Regionals was faxed to me today, and the theme that has been chosen for this year is _Youth_" Rachel can't bring herself to pretend to be as excited as all the other people in the room. She musters up a half-enthusiastic smile when Kurt taps her on the shoulder and exclaims, "Isn't this wonderful?"

A thought suddenly hits her, and Rachel finds herself raising her hand. Mr Schuester gestures for her to speak.

"I was just wondering, seeing as I was unable to perform in Sectionals, would it be possible to see that I get one of the solos for our Regional's performance?" She holds her breath.

He nods. "That seems fair," he says. Rachel turns her head to the side to see Santana's reaction. The girl's staring at the teacher, and when she sees Rachel staring at her moves her head, smiling at her.

Huh.

Feeling a little bolder, she continues with, "I also have some song suggestions, if you'd like to hear them?"

"Sounds great, Rachel," says Mr Schuester. "I'll dedicate a meeting to it next week, and I expect everyone else to come to that meeting with at least _one_ song that you think will fit in with the theme. It's incredibly important we get our set list finished early this time around. No one wants a repeat of Nationals, now, do we?" There was a sound of mutual agreement as everyone in the room nodded. It was a pretty stupid idea to wait until the night before to get the songs written. Rachel found it surprising they made the place they got at all. It just goes to show what they really could have achieved if they'd tried.

Puck leans in, mouth close to her ear. "You're gonna rock that solo, babe," he says, breath tickling her ear. She can't help but smile as she whispers a "Thank you" back.

*/*

She gets a lift home after school from Puck, and declines his offer to come inside and 'help her study'. The tell-tale smirk on his face is a clear indication that homework's the last thing on his mind, and he settles for instead pressing a quick kiss on her lips before walking back to his truck.

Again, just like every other kiss, it felt far too real for a dream.

Rachel makes a start on her homework, but realises half-way through that there's really no point, and switches on an episode of _Dawson's Creek_ (From Season Three, because in her opinion, that one was by far the best). She makes it about six episodes through before calling it a night and heading up to bed, telling her fathers that she really doesn't feel like dinner tonight.

It's still pretty early, but as soon as her head hits the pillow, she finds her eyes closing automatically. The weirdness of today had really taken its toll on her, and all she really wants to do now is sleep.

She falls asleep wondering if it was possible to have a dream inside a dream.

*/*

Rachel wakes up the next morning to the sound of her alarm blaring in her ears.

The first thing she notices is the picture of Finn on her bedside table.

* * *

><p>"…<em>All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream…" –Edgar Allan Poe<em>

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><p>Reviews are most welcome :)<p> 


	2. the potato chip debacle

**Disclaimer:** Don't own, never have, never will

All I can say in response to last chapter is _wow_. Thankyouthankyouthankyou to everyone who reviewed (sorry if I didnt reply to you all :/ ), and apologies that this is a little late...I stuggled a little on the last few thousand words. I wanted to get it finished before my birthday...but seeing as that was about two weeks ago, kind of missed the mark there. Whoops. I think I need to learn how to juggle school work and writing...

* * *

><p>Dreams for Rachel had always been pretty bad.<p>

She remembers one from her days as a little girl, filled with giant monsters that were bigger than her daddy and scarier than the pit-bull that lived across the street. In middle school, she was plagued with visions of last minute homework pile-ups, taunting girls teasing her in the bathrooms until her resolve cracked and she burst into tears, and Dylan Brodie (the boy she had a massive crush on for at least one and a half years) telling her he would never love her in the way that Tony loved Maria. Around performance times, nightmares about forgetting the lyrics on stage, or cracking on a high note, usually popped up once or twice.

But never in her whole life had she had a dream quite like this.

Looking at Finn's face smiling back at her from the photograph made her believe that it was _only_ a dream.

The problem was, she couldn't quite decide whether it was a good dream, or a bad dream.

Did it even matter?

*/*

Finn arrives at her door to pick her up for school ten minutes late. One look at the expression on his face (sad, apologetic, pleading, a little dopey), and Rachel's forgotten what she was angry about. She can't bring herself to do anything but smile as she wraps her arms around him and hugs him tightly. He pulls up her face softly with his huge hands, and slants his mouth over hers. When he pulls back, he has a huge grin on his face that Rachel can't help but return.

She sits in the passenger seat, and smiles the whole car trip, thinking how it was great to have everything back to normal. Back to the way it should be.

Except one thing was plaguing her from her little dream, and she couldn't quite shake it.

Was it just her, or did Puck's kisses seem a little more…passionate than Finn's?

He opens her door for her like a proper gentleman, but doesn't go to grab her bag. Rachel tells herself that he's never done it before, why should he start now? She's picking over things that don't need to be picked over. And it's stupid.

She passes Quinn in the halls, and it's not until her friend says, "Hey, Rachel, hold on," that she remembers Quinn actually _is_ her friend. She turns around and musters a happy expression, holding out her arms to hug her.

"I'm sorry I didn't call last night," Quinn says. "I was babysitting my little cousin, and he stole my phone and hid it for a good three hours. I'm telling you, he's an exact replica of my sister –she used to do the same thing with my Swan Lake Barbie."

"Don't worry about it, I'm over it now." Rachel starts walking up the hall, Quinn by her side. "I got a rather unexpected, yet lovely, phone-call from Noah last night, and I have to say, to my surprise, I left that conversation feeling a lot better." She stops at her locker, opens it, and comes face to face with pictures of her and Finn. _Just the way it should be_. "That boy can be really nice when he chooses to be."

Quinn smiles softly. "Yeah, he can be. I still remember the time when I was living with him when I was pregnant. I mean, most of the time he just acted like himself, but sometimes, he showed his sweet side, and I honestly think I loved him for a little while for showing me that side of him."

"I guess I'm just lucky Finn shows off his good side all the time."

"Ahhh, but if it's the side he's always showing, how can you be so sure if it's his good one?"

Rachel shuts her locker, thinking over Quinn's question. "I guess I'm not sure," she replies. "But it's still a good side, nonetheless."

Quinn looks like she's about to respond, when her eye catches something down the hall. "Excuse me Rachel, I have to go and talk to Brittany. She gave my cat a present for his birthday last week, and I think I should probably explain to her that cats don't eat chocolate, even when the chocolate's fish-shaped." Rachel watches Quinn's figure retreat down the hall, shaking her head at Brittany's antics.

"Yo, Berry, you feeling any better?" says a voice from behind her shoulder. She slowly turns around to see Puck standing behind her, looking concerned again. It's probably another after-effect of the dream, but Rachel feels herself blushing slightly. She's slightly embarrassed by the fact she has to train her eyes to stay on his, and not stray to his lips.

"Why, yes, thank you, Noah, I'm feeling much better. I think that conversation with you last night did wonders for me." _And the fact that my scarily real dream has pretty much taken over the drama from yesterday's meeting inside my head_. Puck still looks concerned, and he stays standing in front of her, studying her as if he was trying to find out what was going on inside her head. She gropes around for a conversation topic in her head to end the awkward silence. "You know, I'm a little bit worried about Brittany's cat." Rachel mentally face palms herself.

Puck raises an eyebrow, and his expression shifts to one of amusement. "And why are you worried about Brittany's cat now?"

"Because," she starts, clearing her throat. "Quinn just told me that Brittany gave her cat chocolate, and if she's giving chocolate to Quinn's cat, it makes me wonder what she's feeding her own."

"Honestly, Rach? I don't even wanna _know_ what Brittany gives her cat to eat. All I'm guessing is, from the size of him? It's a hell of a lot." Rachel giggles, clutching her books closer to her chest. "We should do this more often," Puck says.

"Do what more often?"

"Talking. Like friends. About stupid things. Like friends do."

Rachel is confused. "Are you saying you want us to be friends?"

Puck laughs. "Uh, _yeah_. Jeez, for someone who's meant to be smart, you sure do take ages to catch on" She scowls and punches him in the shoulder. He mocks being gravelly injured, laughing again at the way she crosses her arms and pouts. "Come on, we'd make a badass friendship. Just look at our relationship two years ago, we _were_ pretty kickass then. We'd be even more awesome as friends, cause there's less touchy-feely shit with friends. More time to focus on the good stuff, like X-box and movie nights."

"Well, when you put it like that, how can I possibly disagree?" Puck grins at her, and lifts his hand up in the air, palm facing her, gesturing for a high five. She gingerly lifts her arm up, and lightly taps his hand with hers, giggling when he rolls his eyes.

"First thing I'm gonna teach you as a friend," he starts. "Is how to high five properly, and not look like a total wuss." He smirks at her, before saying goodbye and walking back down the hall. The sound of the bell ringing startles her, and she quickly composes herself and walks to first period, where she know Finn would be waiting for her with a seat two rows from the front and three desks to the left. She's comfortable with routine. Order makes her feel safe. And that's all she's ever wanted to feel.

*/*

Finn sits with his football teammates at lunch. Rachel doesn't mind, because it gives her an opportunity to talk with Quinn, and to just remind herself of how much of a bitch she's not. The dream's still left her a bit shaken, she'll admit. She tells Quinn about her encounter with Puck in the halls this morning, and how he thinks the two of them should form an 'awesome-badass friendship'. When she asks Quinn what she thinks of Puck, her friend blushes.

"I'm starting to think it more and more lately, but Puck is…well, Puck's just a really nice guy. We really bonded over Beth together, and I saw how sweet he got with her. I guess I just love seeing him like that, acting like a father. It's really lovely, how he's like that." Rachel nods in agreement. She'd seen Puck's nice side several times while they dated for a week last year. Heck, in her dream last night she saw it plenty of times. There was no denying it; while Noah Puckerman could be a total (and she does mean _total_) jerk, he did have moments in which he wasn't so bad. On occasions.

Rachel picks over her fruit salad with a plastic fork. "You two do seem pretty close lately. Have you talked to him since the whole Shelby debacle?" she asks. Quinn's smile falls and she shakes her head.

"I can't bring myself to, I just don't know what to say. Every time I see him, I clam up, and my mouth refuses to work. I _want_ to talk to him about it, have a long discussion about what he felt for her, and where we stand with each other, but I can't pluck up the courage" She sighs, running her hand through her hair. "Sometimes, Rachel, I think I really like him. Almost as much as I used to when I was pregnant. But it's a terrible feeling, you know? Liking someone who doesn't like you back." Rachel nods again, knowing exactly how that felt. It seemed like most of her high school years had been spent chasing Finn, never quite knowing if he liked her back. Unrequited love seemed to hit her hardest.

An idea forms in Rachel's head, and she's quick to pose it to Quinn. "Would you like it if I talked to Noah for you? Seeing as we're friends and all now. It's really no problem, why, it might even pose a reason _to_ talk to him, because I have no idea what sort of conversations will be popping up between the two of us."

Quinn beams at Rachel from across the table. "Oh, yes, that would be great, Rachel! I can't thank you enough for doing this."

"Don't mention it," she says, dismissing it with a flick of her hand. "After all, what are friends for?"

It feels really good to her to be able to say those words.

*/*

When Rachel gets home that afternoon, she falls into her normal routine of doing all her homework, then extra studying to fill in the two hour space she left for herself, half an hour on the elliptical and half an hour of vocal warm-ups (because taking care of herself and her voice is a must), then down for dinner with her fathers, who had cooked vegetarian casserole with a lovely pumpkin soup on the side. After watching whatever teen drama was showing on TV (tonight, it was _Pretty Little Liars_), she retires to her bedroom, where she picks up the extension phone line and dials Finn's number.

One of the many things she loves about that boy is that he's always willing to let her talk on and on without any interruptions. She can just talk and talk with him, and not feel like she's imposing in anyway. Finn never seems to complain much, anyway.

She talks with him for ages about everything that's on her mind, and smiles to herself whenever he comments with something nice. At the two hour mark, she can hear him trying to hold back yawns (she understands, it's getting late), so she says goodbye, and tells him that she loves him.

"Love you too, Rachel," he replies. She blows a kiss into the phone before hanging up. Resting her head on her pillow, she goes to sleep with thoughts of her boyfriend on her mind.

*/*

In the morning, she growls when she sees Puck's picture again. Literally growls.

If this is a recurring dream, it's definitely an annoying one.

She trudges outside grumpily when she hears his car horn, and moodily greets him with a glare when he smiles at her from the front seat. She knows that it's technically not his fault that all this is happening, but she needs someone to blame, and she's always felt that blaming yourself is just another way of self-hate –and self-hate is a major NO-NO in her books.

"You alright, babe?" he questions, raising an eyebrow at the way she throws her bag into the truck. "You're acting all…angry, and it's kinda scaring me, to be honest" Rachel slams the door and turns to look at him, more than a little pissed off.

"No, Noah, I am _not_ alright. I am severely not alright. In fact, I don't ever remember being this not alright" Puck's eyes widen as he starts the car, before his eyebrows raise in realization.

"Oh…I get it. You PMS'ing?" Her mouth falls open, and she punches him in the arm. "Ow, watch it, woman! You want to cause a fucking accident?"

"Insinuating that my bad mood is a cause of my menstrual cycle is both sexist and entirely wrong, not to mention degrading and stereotypical –which of course, I wouldn't expect any better of you normally, but I thought at least here you would have a little more respect and courtesy." Puck's face goes blank, and he lets out a, "Huh?"

Rachel sighs. "No, I'm not PMS'ing. Don't ever ask me that again." She sits quietly for the rest of the car trip, trying to ignore the wounded look on the boy next to her.

At school, she stops him before he can walk away from her, pulling him from his arm close to her. "Noah, I'm sorry I snapped at you. It's not your fault I'm in a bad mood, this has nothing to do with you." Well, it _does_, but again, that's hardly his fault.

The corners of Puck's mouth lift up into a small smile. "It's cool, Rach. Don't worry about it. My Ma has much bigger anger bursts, I mean, hers are just fucking scary. One time, I shit you not, she threw a fucking plate at my head. She's lucky my reflexes are fast, otherwise my looks may not be as good as they are right now." Rachel giggles at his words. He winds his arms around her waist and pulls her close to him. She stops laughing when she feels his warm breath blowing against her cheek. "And anyway," he whispers against her skin. "You're kinda hot when you're pissed."

He brushes his lips against hers, softly, before going in for a longer, deeper kiss. As he's slanting his mouth along hers, Rachel thinks that if this really only is a dream, then bloody hell, she's going to enjoy it.

*/*

Santana sits with her and Puck at lunch, sliding her tray down on the table before sitting herself next to Rachel. It takes Rachel a while to realise that Santana's not going to tease her, hurt her, or slip something into her food (and she wouldn't put it past her to do just that).

Instead, Santana seems to be acting nice to her. Well, as nice as Santana can really get.

"So, my bitches, how we both going today?" she asks, snagging a fry of Puck's plate. He shoots her a quick glare, before stealing a swig of her chocolate milk. They both stick their tongues out at each other, and Rachel wonders if this is a regular occurrence; Puck and Santana acting like children around each other, yet still maintaining some kind of friendship.

"I'm doing just fine, thank-you, Santana."

"Hey, how come you're not sitting with your girl Brittany?" Santana's eyes darken over at Puck's question, and with a stormy expression, she replies, "Brittany's decided to spend her lunch break with one of the boys in her maths class." With the way she was stabbing her salad viciously with the fork, Rachel guessed Santana wasn't exactly thrilled about this.

"I mean," she starts, impaling a cucumber stick. "I love Brittany, I really do. I want to be with her and only her, and I want her to only be with me. But asking Britt to be in a monogamous relationship is a tricky thing to do, I'm not entirely sure she even knows what the word means." Santana sighs. "Plus, you know how Brittany is, she loves everyone. For me to have to ask her to only love me in that way just seems…selfish. Normally, I have no problems with being that whatsoever, but it's different with Britt, I can't help putting her first."

"She's the only person in the world who you'll be selfless for," Rachel finishes. "I get that." She reaches her hand over the table to grab Santana's, squeezing it in a comforting way (all the while ignoring how _weird_ it felt to be doing this to _Santana_).

"Britt's cool and all, San, but she's kinda stupid. You need to drive the point home with her that you love her ditzy ass, otherwise she's never gonna get it"

"I know, Puck, but I don't wanna hurt her. And you know how easy it is to hurt Britt, and how much it fucking sucks when you do. It's like kicking a puppy. A seriously fucking cute puppy."

Rachel stares at the fries on Puck's plate. Can she put on calories in this dream world? She cautiously picks one up, examines it for a second (you can never be too sure), and pops it in her mouth. Puck gives her a weird look while she's chewing it, and she just shrugs her shoulders at him. "Cravings," she states, stealing another one. She understands now why so many people eat these grease-sticks; they tasted _amazing_. She has to physically restrain herself from going in for a third.

"You do need to tell her, Santana," she says, licking the salt from the fry off her fingers. "If you think that you're in a relationship with her, but she doesn't, then there's something seriously wrong there. She needs to know what's on your mind, and you need to know what's on hers."

Puck snorts. "Shouldn't be too hard, I doubt there's anything on Brittany's mind apart from cats, unicorns and a shitload of pink crap –OW!" He rubs his arm where Santana had punched him, shooting a glare her way. "Geez, woman, take a fucking chill pill, I'm joking with you."

"Well, don't. It's not funny, arsehole."

"Obviously not for you, 'cause you have no sense of humour."

"You ever think its maybe because your jokes just aren't funny?"

"You ever think its maybe because you're just a bitch?"

Santana scowls at Puck, and throws a fry at his head, which he expertly dodges. Rachel cocks an eyebrow at the two of them, and says, "If you two want a few minutes to continue on with your fight, that's fine. I'll just head up to the library and give you both a bit of peace." They both simultaneously turn their heads her way, both looking a little guilty (Puck more than Santana, because Rachel's pretty sure that guilt is one of the emotions Santana doesn't let herself show).

"Sorry, babe," Puck says, grabbing her hand in his, rubbing her palm slowly with his thumb. Rachel stares at him expectantly and he groans, rolling his eyes. "And sorry, San," he says reluctantly, giving the girl a quick look. Santana nods and smiles at Rachel.

"You've really got him wound round your little finger, haven't you?" she snarks.

"Like fuck she has," growls Puck. "We have an equal thing going on, Satan, neither of us is in charge."

Santana shakes her head. "Yeah, that's what they all say." She takes another swig of Puck's milk before saying, "Later, bitches," and getting up and walking away, Cheerio skirt swaying in time with her hips.

Rachel sneaks another fry from his plate. "She certainly has a way with words, doesn't she?" Puck scoffs and says, "Baby, you have no idea."

*/*

Puck drops her off at home after school, and only lets her go inside after he's pressed her up against the door of his truck for a good five minutes. She's panting a little afterwards, and says goodbye to him as she's wiping the moisture from her lips. Inside, she finds it a little hard to get into her usual studying habits, still a little worked up from it all.

Rachel tells herself as she's copying out algebraic equations that what she felt was simply all down to his _skill_, and not because of the person she was kissing. If Finn kissed her like that, she'd feel exactly the same. Maybe even a little better.

She's not quite sure why it takes her a while to convince herself of that.

After two hours of homework and hard study (old habits die hard), she retreats to her room, intent on a nap to sleep off the drama and stress of the past few days. Spotting her diary lying innocently on her bedside table throws her off this plan. She picks it up slowly, examining it in her hand. It looked exactly the same as the one in her bedroom in the 'real' world. She wonders if it also had entries from almost every day of her life from the past three years. If it did, it would be like an insight into the perplexing dream world she was currently living.

Curiosity gets the better of her, and she sits down on her bed, opening her diary and flicking through the pages, trying to find the day where she did/didn't break up with Puck.

*/*

_Dear Diary_

_Today was a rather interesting day, to say the least. A little weird too, I'm still getting over all that has happened. I suppose I should probably explain it all. _

_You see, I tried to break it off with Noah today –with good reason, of course. You know all about my crush on Finn (which I swear to you is growing larger and larger everyday), and I've suspected for quite a while now that Noah's been holding a candle for Quinn. I understand that, she is quite pretty after all. A little too blonde, but that's probably just the jealousy talking. I would give anything to have a nose like hers. _

_We were both sitting on the bleachers, and I put forward my case; us both being in love with other people, and our relationship not really meaning all that much anyway. Because, honestly? Six and a half days of making out in bedrooms and cars hardly constitutes for a strong bond between two people. It's absurd. _

_I expected Noah to go along with it, after all, there are plenty of other girls in the school that would be willing to go much, much further with him then I did. But, diary, he did the strangest thing. He told me that he didn't want to break up with me because he couldn't get the girl he wanted, and I couldn't get the boy I wanted, and so we should take some kind of comfort in each other. _

_It's hard for me to admit this, but I did see a little bit of reason to his words. He kind of does have a point –I mean, what with Quinn having his baby and everything, Finn's hardly going to dump her for me. Let's face it, Quinn obviously trumps me in the 'most desirable girlfriend' competition. I may as well take what I can get. And that seems to be Noah. _

_You know, in the short time I've been 'dating' him for, I've come to discover that he's not all as bad as I thought he was. When he's not making inappropriate comments or lewd gestures, he's actually, dare I say…nice. _

_Some of the time, anyway. I'm yet to see his nice side for more than an hour. I'm sure it will happen though, since we seem to be still doing this insane relationship thing. _

_Maybe this won't be so bad, diary. He __**is**__ an exceptional kisser…I may just find myself rather enjoying being the girlfriend to Noah Puckerman. _

_Rachel_

Rachel stares at the entry for a little while after reading it, letting it all sink in. _So this is what Dream-Rachel was thinking…_ She flips over to the next page, and starts reading the entry for the day after the non-breakup.

_Dear Diary_

_Noah and I had a deep conversation today at lunchtime in the cafeteria, about what our relationship exactly meant. I asked him why he stayed with me when there were so many other girls to choose from in the school (Santana or Brittany for example –I'm sure they both wouldn't have minded helping Noah forget about his crush on Quinn for a while), and he told me it was because he saw the looks Finn gave him every time he and I were together. He said he knew it was 'effing stupid and kinda childish', but he enjoyed making Finn jealous. I didn't really understand that at first, didn't really get how seeing someone jealous could make you feel good. _

_Then I saw Quinn staring at me when I was at my locker with Noah after lunch. She was giving me these little –yet incredibly scathing –glares, while sneaking small, sad looks at Noah. Quinn, for whatever reason, I'm not quite sure, seemed to be to some extent a little resentful of Noah and I._

_And I think I got it after that. What Noah was talking about. That feeling of…satisfaction….after seeing Quinn green-eyed and angry. It sounds a little shallow and immature, but it felt really, really, __**really**__ good knowing that she was hurting inside. _

_She deserves to hurt, diary, she really does. After all the humiliation and pain that girl has put me through over the years, as well as getting to be the girl donning Finn's arm, I think she deserves that little bit of pain through her ice-cold heart. _

_I'm sorry, I seem to be getting a little carried away in my anger right now. I think I'm going to stop writing now, and make an attempt to calm myself down before I go to sleep. One should never go to bed angry, you just wake up in a __**terrible**__ mood. _

_Rachel_

The next entry she read was a little further down in the journal, and the only reason it caught her eye was because the pages were stained with small drops of water that blurred the ink in some places.

_Dear Diary_

_I don't think I have ever been more upset. Or angry. Or…disappointed. _

_I'm not quite sure who at, though. I'd like to say Noah, but after the scene in my bedroom an hour ago, I can find it in myself to feel that way towards him. I'd also like to say Quinn…but I don't think I can do that either. The poor girl's already been through too much this year. I just can't fathom how horrible it would be to fall pregnant in high school. _

_That's just it, though. She's pregnant. _

_And get this; it's not Finn's. _

_When Noah told me, it was like the whole world had stopped. I don't know why he has kept this from me for so long. I know our relationship started out as a quasi one, but it feels pretty real now. _

_I guess I should be glad he told me at all. Apparently, he made a promise to Quinn that he wouldn't tell anyone. She wants to go to the grave swearing that the baby is Finns. _

_You know, I try so hard to like Quinn, but it's times like these that I just…__**hate**__ her. I really do, I HATE her for what she's done. Oh, diary, you should have seen Noah. He was a mess. I've never seen him cry before, and I hope I never do. Maybe I can be a little angry at Quinn. Just for what she's done to Noah. And to Finn. _

_I told Noah he has to tell Finn, he deserves to know the truth. Noah realises that. I think he's apprehensive to tell him, however. I fear Finn's going to be terribly angry when he finds out. If I go with Noah to tell him, it might not be so bad. I think I'll call him in the morning to talk about it. Whatever he decides, Finn still needs to know, reaction be damned. I feel too strongly for him to take any other action. _

_All I know, diary, is that after tomorrow, nothing will ever be the same again. _

_Rachel_

Rachel starts to flick through the other entries, eyes widening further and further as she goes along.

_Dear Diary_

_It's still pretty tense in Glee right now, what with Finn not talking to Noah, and Noah making desperate –yet unsuccessful –attempts at talking to Quinn. I tried to tell Quinn that it's just as much Noah's baby as it is hers, she can't just keep ignoring him like this and shutting him out of both of their lives. It's not fair on Noah, this is destroying him inside –I can see it happening. And, diary, it honestly scares me. _

_I just hope this all resolves itself before it gets any worse. I don't know how much more of this Noah can take. _

_Oh, and you would not believe what happened today in Glee. I'm still shocked by it now, it was so surprising. _

_So, I was sitting in my usual seat, when all of a sudden, __**Santana**__ comes and sits next to me. I asked her in the politest tone I could muster what exactly it was she was doing, because, as you know from previous written entries, she hasn't really been the nicest person in the world to me. _

_In fact, she's been absolutely terrible. _

_You can understand my confusion. _

_And get this, she tells me it's because I'm dating Puck, and she's friends with Puck and 'all that s***'. There was something else about him being her boy, but I don't really remember it, seeing as I was a little preoccupied by the fact she had slung her arm over my shoulder. _

_Rather peculiar, it was. _

_She sat like that for the rest of the lesson, talking to me as if I was a friend of hers. It's a little difficult to believe, seeing as last week she called me a midget troll who has the style of a cross-dressing toddler. Twice. _

_I don't think I'll question this new friendship too much. If it means that one less person hates me, then so be it. And, hey!, maybe a friendship with Santana won't be too bad. There's got to be worse friendships out there…right? _

_Rachel_

_Dear Diary_

_Things have been getting better lately. Quinn's finally decided to talk to Noah, and she's going to let him come along with her to the next obstetrician meeting. You should see Noah's face when he's talking about his baby, diary. His whole face lights up and his eyes have this special spark in them –it's like watching the first sunrise after a dark, dark night. It's magical. Simply magical. _

_Quinn's been talking to him about adoption. I don't think Noah wants that to happen. He told me he has this image about raising his kid himself, giving it the happy family that he never got to have. _

_I know it's silly, and that our relationship's end was inevitable anyway, but whenever I think of Quinn and Noah together, I get this funny feeling stirring in my stomach. It makes me want to be sick sometimes. _

_That's not how it's meant to happen. I know that Quinn's meant to be with Noah, and I'm meant to be with Finn. That's the way it's meant to go. _

_It's just sometimes, I have a hard time trying to make myself believe that. _

_Diary, what am I supposed to do?_

_Rachel_

_Dear Diary_

_Santana has just become my new best friend. Not that I really had one before, but you get what I mean. _

_We had a really long conversation today in the food court at the mall. I think it's called a heart-to heart, or a deep and meaningful…something like that. We talked for ages over low-fat salads about Quinn, Finn and Noah. Santana told me that I should stop pining after Finn, because it was pointless. She said that if she had a choice between Noah and Finn, she'd choose Noah any day. Her main reason was that Noah would be able to 'f***' her to a better degree, but she had some other points that made a lot of sense. _

_If Finn is still choosing Quinn after she lied about the paternity of her baby, and can't see what a 'super awesome bitch' I am, then he's obviously not worth it. Santana apparently doesn't like Quinn as much as I thought, because she had some simply horrible –yet scarily true –things to say about her. She had some things to say about Finn too, and I'm ashamed to admit, I may have giggled at a few. _

_It's kind of true though; he __**does **__have all the grace of a limping donkey. His dancing is simply atrocious. I guess that's another area that Noah beats him in. My boyfriend is a wonderful dancer. _

_And, as Santana says, if staying with Noah is making Quinn jealous in any way, I may as well keep on going. It's rather fulfilling knowing that Quinn is jealous of me…the tables have turned, and it feels so, so good. _

_I feel like a terrible person for writing that. But, I think that being around Santana so much is taking away my ability to give a toss (I still can't find it in me to swear, diary. No amount of time with Santana will make me). _

_Rachel_

_Dear Diary_

_I think I'm falling for Noah. _

_No, scratch that, I __**know**__ I'm falling for Noah. And diary, it honestly scares me a little. _

_It kind of came to me today, in the halls before English. Finn was standing with Quinn in the halls, holding her in his arms like I'd always imagined he would with me, stroking her pretty blonde hair, whispering in her ear softly…_

_And for once, I didn't feel it. _

_The jealousy. _

_I've always felt it when I saw those two together. That severe feeling of jealousy that starts in the pit of my stomach and bubbles up, moving up to my heart, making it beat twice as fast as normal. _

_But today…nothing. No jealousy, no hurt, no irregular heart-beats that give me little scares. _

_I've fallen out of my whatever with Finn, and into something even more confusing with Noah._

_Diary, the problem is I see the way Noah looks at Quinn sometimes, stares at her and the bump in her stomach (which is threatening to burst any day now with the size it's grown to). It's like the way that I used to look at Finn. And it hurts me to know that yet again, I like someone who won't like me back. _

_Is this always going to happen to me? Because, I must say, it's incredibly frustrating. _

_I need sleep. Maybe this will all clear by morning. But it's a big 'maybe'. _

_Rachel_

_Dear Diary_

_Yesterday was possibly one of the most…memorable…days of my life. And not because of Regionals. That barely marks on the list of 'Things That Happened Yesterday That I Will Never Forget In My Entire Life'. _

_We lost, anyway. The look on Jesse St. James' face was just a little too smug. Bastard. _

_No, what was really memorable was the fact that straight after the performance, Quinn went into labour. _

_And yes, I did really just write that, diary. She wasn't meant to be due for another three weeks, but since when have children ever done what their mother's expected them to? I'd put it down to the stress of not winning Regionals, but I'm not sure Quinn cared enough about Glee for it to be that. _

_I waited at home for the news of Noah and Quinn's baby. I thought that if I was at the hospital with him, I'd be intruding somewhat. Plus, I don't think Quinn would have wanted me there. I'm not exactly her first choice of people to have by her bedside in this situation. I stayed up until about one, when I got so tired I fell asleep on my bed still dressed in my performance clothes. _

_I was woken up by a tapping noise outside my window, and I have to admit, after all I've said about Hollywood cliché's being so passé, there's something really romantic about having a boy scale the wall outside your bedroom window. Noah just looked so…defeated. It was heartbreaking, the way he was holding himself in a slump as he climbed through the window and over to my bed…and the look on his face…I just felt like crying. I've never seen someone look so sad in my entire life. I hope I never do again. _

_We sat on the bed, side by side, for what felt like forever. The first words he spoke were; "She's gone, Rach. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye." His body started to shake, and next thing I know, he's crying into my shoulder. I couldn't do anything else but just hold him as he continued to cry. I'll admit, I was crying a little too. I've never been able to see people sad without feeling a little of the emotion myself. _

_After a while, he looked up at me, his eyes bloodshot and pleading…and the next words he said, I don't ever think I'll forget in my entire life, diary. _

"_But you love me, don't you, Rach? You're not gonna leave me, 'cause I fuckin' love you and shit, and you can't leave me, not like Beth…" I really couldn't do anything but nod and whisper I love you too. I don't know what else I honestly could have said. _

_He kissed me, then. The softest, sweetest kiss I have ever received from anyone. We both lay back on the pillows, him pressing small kisses on my lips, cheeks and neck. A short while later, the kisses deepened, and I could feel him pulling my shirt off my shoulders. _

_We didn't have sex, diary. It went pretty far though…I don't really want to go into details, but it was….lovely. _

_Oh dear god, I'm blushing. I feel like such a harlot. I always imagined the first time I made love with a guy that it would be with some perfect, well-mannered gentleman after a few months of courting and a wonderful candlelit dinner with expensive wine underneath a starry Manhattan sky. And I know we technically didn't get that far, but still. The dream was stupid, anyway. The moment with Noah in my bedroom was better than perfect. It was simply __**magical**__. _

_I had to send him away early this morning, before my dads' woke up. He kissed me again before he climbed out the window (I felt he had to complete the cliché), and told me he loved me again. And also, no regrets. _

_The scary thing is, I think I might. Love Noah, that is. _

_I love Noah Puckerman, and no matter what happens tomorrow, or next week, I'll never regret the moments that we have spent together. This feels so much stronger than what I felt for Finn. It feels so much more…real. _

_Fingers crossed it lasts, diary. I'm not quite ready to give up Noah yet. _

_Rachel_

*/*

Rachel closes the diary and places it back on the bedside table. It takes her a few minutes for it all to sink in, and she falls back onto her bed, eyes wide and staring at the ceiling.

Is it possible that the her in this world loves Noah more than she loves Finn in her real world?

Don't get her wrong, she loves Finn a lot. More than life itself. Rachel doesn't know what she'd do without her bumbling boyfriend. But this Rachel, Dream-Rachel…it can't be possible. There's no love on this earth stronger than the bond she shares with Finn, let alone one between her and Noah in some messed up alternate dream universe.

_Everything is so screwed up_, she thinks to herself as she wills her eyes to close, wishing for herself to just fall asleep so she can go back to her own world, where Noah is just her friend, Quinn doesn't hate her and Finn is the one who is her everything.

* * *

><p>"<em>Dreams are true while they last, and do we not live in dreams?" –Alfred Lord Tennyson<em>

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><p><em><em>Reviews are most welcome :)


	3. dresses, gypsies and Seth Rogen movies

**Disclaimer:** If any of you out there seriously think I own Glee, then you must be pretty damn stupid. And a little naive

It's taken a month...and it's seriously short. I really hate real life sometimes. School sucks pretty damn bad too. I should just run away and join the army. That should solve all my problems.

A little message to everyone who's reading this: I realise that not everyone out there likes Finchel and Quick. Believe me, I dont really either. But this story would be just a little on the side of BORING if I had Puckleberry all the way through. So naturally, I'm going to mix it up a little. Mainly for my own entertainment, 'cause I'm kind of evil like that. Just bear in mind, I put the pairing on this story as Puck and Rachel for a reason. If that's not enough of a clue, then I dont know what is.

* * *

><p>So, it's been a week.<p>

Or two weeks. Depending on how you look at it. It certainly _feels_ like two weeks to Rachel, and neither of them have been particularly easy, seeing as in both, Mr Schuester has been stressing over the upcoming Regional's performance in five weeks' time. Seriously, he's picking _now_ to discover just how important it was to get the songs perfected early? When she really didn't need any extra stress in her life? It just goes to show how selfish some people could be sometimes.

She's in the Noah-verse now, walking out of Glee club after the meeting, her tiny hand encased in Puck's large one. She's talking to him about the vocal exercises that she's going to be starting to give herself an extra edge at Regionals, when she notices Puck's not really listening.

Instead, his attention is focused on the form of a woman standing at the end of the hall, talking to a member of the English faculty. Her mother. Shelby.

Puck's hand tightens around hers, the callouses of his fingertips digging into her skin. He pulls her in a little bit closer to his body as they walk past her. Shelby barely gives either of them a passing glance. Rachel doesn't look up at Puck's face, but she knows the expression on it isn't going to be a happy one.

In his truck, he bangs his fists on the steering wheel, giving Rachel a fright. "It's not fucking fair!" he shouts. His head falls down to rest on the wheel. "It's just not fair, babe…she can't do this to me." She reaches out her arm to rub her hand up and down his back, not really knowing what else to do. It still felt a little weird comforting him like this.

"What's wrong, Noah?" she asks, her voice timid. Puck lifts his head up to look at her, grabbing her hand to hold it in his.

"I miss Beth," he grunts, his thumb rubbing a circle into her palm. "Ever since Shelby's returned, it's just making me think about her all the fucking time. She still won't let me see her, just sends me pictures through the mail every now and then. The pictures are good, don't get me wrong, but it's not the same…I wanna see my little girl, Rach. I wanna fuckin'…hold her in my arms, just like I did that day at the hospital when she was born." Puck sighs. "It's the only time I've ever gotten to hold her, and I want to do it again so god damn badly, but I can't." He stays sitting there silently, still rubbing Rachel's palm.

"I wish you could see her, Noah," she chokes out. "It's not fair on you, having her so close but not being able to see her." Puck nods his head, and starts up the engine. He won't look her in the eye for the whole car trip. Rachel wonders just how much he's hurting inside, and why he chooses to bottle it all up instead of telling someone. Like her.

He pulls up in her driveway, and before she gets out, she rests a hand on his shoulder. "You know, Noah, if you're having any problems, troubles, or you just want to get something off your chest, you can always come to me. It's what I'm here for" Puck puts his hand on top of hers and squeezes it.

"Thanks, babe," he replies, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear, stroking her cheek as he draws it away. "I really love you."

Rachel pauses in shock. She grabs her bag and moves to open the door. She turns around as she steps out of the car, tripping over the words that are tumbling around in her head. "I-I…uh, love you too, Noah," she fumbles as she waves goodbye to him. She shuts the door and watches from the porch as his car pulls out of the driveway and drives off down the street. A shaky breath escapes her throat and she gives herself a minute outside to compose herself before moving inside her house, pulling the door firmly closed behind her.

*/*

The next day, she's back in the Finn-verse, sitting with her boyfriend in the cafeteria at the table with the rest of the Glee club because it's Tuesday, and she set Tuesday as the Official-Glee-Club-Lunch-Date about a year ago. Not many were too enthusiastic about the idea then, and they aren't exactly now, but there's significantly less grumbling then there was in the previous year, so Rachel sees that as a bonus. The events from yesterday have still left her knocked for six, especially since she practically lied to her dream-boyfriend's face about loving him. Lying is not something she particularly likes doing, especially not to someone who she cares about (and she's not going to deny that she cares for Noah –she has on some level for a while). She doesn't know what else she should have said, however. It's not as if she could say she didn't love him, when it was quite obvious that dream-Rachel did. It's all very confusing.

She turns to her real boyfriend, putting a hand on his arm. "Finn, would you be able to come with me to the Mall after school? I feel like buying a new dress."

Finn's face is apologetic when he tells her he can't. "I'm sorry, baby, but I promised Burt I'd help him out in the garage this afternoon. He's been understaffed ever since Brett did a runner on him, and he really needs the help." Rachel nods sadly, and turns to Quinn.

"Quinn, would you be able to come with me? Dress shopping really isn't as rewarding if someone isn't there with you to praise you on your choice," she asks.

"Sorry, I'm stuck with babysitting. Again. You know, if I wasn't getting paid so much for it, I'd tell my sister to rack off. It's really putting a dent in my 'me time'." Rachel's face falls and she sighs.

"Never mind. I'll go by myself. I'm sure I can give myself enough commendation on whatever I choose."

"I'll go with you, if it'll stop you whining."

She looks up to see Puck staring at her, burger in his hands. She raises an eyebrow at him, and he explains, "My mom and sister have been riding my ass non-stop for a few days now, I need a fucking break. And hell, if going to the Mall to look at fucking dresses means getting out of the house, I'm game." He smirks, and takes a bite out of his burger. Rachel scrunches up her face as she watches the sauce from it drip down his chin. _Dis_gus_ting… _

"That would be lovely Noah...just…please –would you like a napkin?"

Puck shakes his head. "M'all good."

"Right then…you can meet me in the carpark after school then, Noah, and I'll drive us there. Please try to be prompt, I want to be in and out quickly so I have time to watch _Gossip Girl_ tonight." Really, one of the only good things about living two lives was how it fitted into her TV schedule. _Gossip Girl _tonight, _Supernatural _tomorrow at the same time on the same date. Problem solved.

Puck rolls his eyes. "Yeah, stop worryin', I'll be there on time." Rachel glares at him and he mock scowls back.

Rachel turns to Finn and says, "I'll call you tonight when I get back from the Mall. I want to discuss a duet idea for Glee that I've had." Finn nods at her, and presses a kiss onto her cheek.

"Sounds good, Rachel." He grins at her and she gives him a huge smile back. She really misses her boyfriend in the Noah-verse.

*/*

Rachel stands out by her car after school, tapping her foot. She checks her watch, and then crosses her arms. He's late, she thinks as she tries to restrain herself from checking her watch again. She sees his figure walking towards her in the distance, and _honestly_, how on earth was she managing a friendship with someone who did not understand the benefits of punctuality?

Then again, she _was_ dating him in another world. Best just not to think about it too much.

"You're late," she says, shaking her head.

"By like, five minutes. Keep your fuckin' panties on." She glowers at him as he fumbles with the door. "Can you unlock the car?"

She presses the button on her keys and steps inside the car, starting the engine and flicking to her favourite radio station. She hears Puck groan in the seat next to her as the sound of Kelly Clarkson's voice echo's through the car. "Is there a problem, Noah?" she asks.

"Yeah…as your friend and shit, I consider it my duty to tell you that I fucking hate Kelly Clarkson. Her music makes me want to shoot myself."

Rachel furrows her brow. How on earth could anyone hate Kelly Clarkson? Her music was an inspiration to all. She turns the dial on the radio tuner, settling on a classic rock station. "This better?" she asks, receiving the answer form Puck in the form of a giant grin as he starts banging his head along to Led Zeppelin.

"Fuck yeah! Zeppelin beats Kelly hands down any day." He reaches for the volume dial and turns it up almost all the way, blasting her tiny speakers to a deafening volume. Rachel giggles when Puck starts air guitaring along to a riff, scrunching up his face in utter concentration. She decides to keep the station on as she drives. She'll never admit it to him, but she's a bit of a Led Zeppelin fan herself. She blames her daddy.

He makes her sit in the car for an extra few minutes in the parking lot while he waits for an Aerosmith song to finish. She's still shaking her head as she walks through the big glass doors.

"Come over, Rach, it was a good song! You gotta admit, _Love in an Elevator_ is the shit."

"While I confess, the song _is _a little catchy, I just don't understand why someone would write a song about an elevator. It makes no sense," she replies, walking over to a directory. _Where's that dress shop I went to a month ago...?_

Puck smirks behind her. "It's not so much about the elevator, it's more what they do in it –if you get my drift."

"What do you mean, what they do in –" Rachel pauses, finger stilling on the directory. "Oh, that is _just_ –you're lying."

"Didn't you listen to the lyrics?" He leans in close and starts singing the lyrics in her ear. "_Love in an elevator, living it up while I'm __**going down**_."

Rachel slaps his arm. "_Noah Puckerman_! You are just _vile_." He's laughing too hard for her remark to hurt. It doesn't help that she's giggling a little too. "Come on, I found the shop I want to go to."

_Simply Fabulous! _sits two floors above the entrance, a bright neon sign hanging above the store. Rachel pulls Puck into the store, ignoring his grumblings of _stupid fucking chick shops _and _so many fucking clothes, they look better without them anyway. _She gasps when she sees a blue dress with red polka-dots hanging on a rail. "Noah, what do you think of this one?" she asks, holding it up against her frame. She scowls at him when he shrugs.

"I dunno…what the hell do you want me to say? They all look the fuckin' same to me!"

Rachel scoffs at him. Bringing Kurt probably would have been a better option. She checks out the price tag. _$30_. Down from _$75_. That settles it, she's buying it.

"I'm going to go try this on. Try not to get in trouble while I'm gone." Puck looks like he's trying not to flip her off as she flounces to the changing rooms. She kind of admires his self-control.

Her first opinion of the dress was right; it looks absolutely _wonderful_ on her. Honestly, she wouldn't have minded paying the full $75 on this. Dresses like these don't come along every day. She does a little twirl in the mirror. _Perfect_, she thinks as she's slipping it off. It's just what she needs.

After she's paid for the dress, she walks outside the store, and comes to a halt. A tented stall is set up just next to _Simply Fabulous!_, with aromatherapy candles and intricate looking jewellery on sale. There's a woman sitting inside, long wavy hair cascading down her tie-dyed dress, her yellowy-green eyes staring right at Rachel. It's silly, she knows, but it feels like this strange gypsy woman is staring right into her soul. She breaks eye contact and turns to Puck, asking, "Was that stall there when we went in the shop?" Rachel huffs when he shrugs again.

"Would you like a fortune, my dear?" Gypsy-Lady asks, her voice thick with a Romanian accent. It sends shivers down Rachel spine, and she shakes her head.

"I'm sorry, I'm in a bit of a rush…maybe another day." Gypsy-lady lady nods solemnly, and her mouth twists into a grin, baring yellow stained teeth. Rachel involuntarily shudders.

"It's no bother, I can sense that you shall be back soon." She taps her nose twice, and Rachel chooses that moment to mutter a goodbye, grab Puck's arm, and drag him quickly towards the stairs.

"Y'know, the whole dragging thing gets old after a while."

"Shut up, Noah."

*/*

An hour later, she's sitting in her kitchen nursing a cup of hot chocolate, watching Puck go through the collection of DVD's next to the TV. "You don't have to stay if you don't want to, Noah. I don't mind if you go home." Actually, she does. It's nice having a friend around to watch movies with, but if he leaves, it's not like it's not the first Friday night she's spent alone.

"S'no problem, only an empty fridge for me at home. Got nothin' else going on anywhere else." He holds up a movie with a grin on his face. "You wanna watch a little Seth Rogen?"

"Okay, that sounds great! Shall I make the popcorn?"

"Rachel, that shouldn't even be a question."

She'll never admit it to anyone else, but _Knocked Up_ isn't a half-bad movie. If you look past all the drug references, sexual innuendos and absolute love for Canada, it's actually pretty interesting. Twenty minutes in, and she's hooked. Seth Rogen and Katherine Heigel's characters are drawing her in completely.

Something about the look on Puck's face just doesn't seem right to Rachel, and she asks him what's wrong. He shakes his head and tells her not to worry. "It's stupid, Rach. Just forget about it."

"Noah, please, tell me. What's wrong?"

Puck sighs. "After Quinn got pregnant, I had like, this idea of us kind of raising that baby together." He scoffs. "Problem was, I had no fucking idea how to take care of a baby. I knew you fed em and shit, and changed their nappies every few hours, but apart from that I had nothing. Couldn't ask Ma, 'cause she didn't know that I was even gonna be a dad, and couldn't ask Quinn, 'cause she wanted nothing to do with me. I fucking hate reading, so I just did what I knew best. Which was going to Blockbuster, and hiring every movie with a baby or pregnant chick in it. This was one of the few ones that wasn't some shitty chick-flick with a leading girl I'd only bang if I was drunk."

Rachel looks down at the popcorn bowl (low-fat, dairy free –just the way it should be). "We don't have to continue watching it if you don't want to," she says.

"Nah, it's cool," Puck replies. "Seth Rogen's like, my man. Wouldn't be right stopping a movie of his. Jew-honour and all that shit."

She giggles and returns her attention back to the TV. A while later, Puck nudges her in the side and tells her to, "watch carefully, 'cause this is the best fuckin' part."

She watches him double over with laughter when the scene comes on, paying more attention to the expression on his face rather than the screen. "Fucking hilarious," he states, stealing a handful of popcorn. Rachel giggles, then turns her head back to the movie.

*/*

"Rach, why the fuck are we here? I can think of about a million other things I could be doing right now, and only about 87% involve you in my bedroom. Wearing as little as possible."

"Noah, if you want to leave, then feel free. I'm really not stopping you." Rachel stops in the middle of the Mall and crosses her arms, staring straight at her boyfriend (still not used to thinking that). Puck stares straight back at her, trying to keep a passive expression on his face. After ten seconds he caves and groans, throwing his hands up in the air in surrender.

"Again, why the fuck are we here?"

"Because, I saw an absolutely lovely dress here the other day selling for a very good price, and I wish to see if it is still here, because it would be fantastic if it was. I know it will just look lovely on me." Mainly because she tried it on today/yesterday, and it's now hanging in her other wardrobe. Having the same dress in both worlds is just too good of an offer to turn up. Puck groans again as she drags him up the escalator and into _Simply Fabulous!_. She squeals when she sees the exact same dress hanging on the rack. She checks the price. _$30. _Rachel loves today.

She doesn't bother trying it on –why bother when she knows it looks great? Outside the store, she waits patiently while Puck talks on the phone with his mother. She looks inside the bag, and smiles again. She really does love this dress.

"Would you like a fortune, my dear?" Rachel swivels around, and sees the same tent with the same candles and same Gypsy-Lady sitting inside. Rachel shakes her head.

"I'm sorry, I'm a little busy right now, maybe another time?"

The lady nods solemnly, and looks down at her cards, perfectly lay out on the table in front of her. "I should have expected that answer…it's exactly what you said yesterday."

Rachel's blood runs cold, Gypsy-Lady's words ringing in her brain like a siren. She opens her mouth to speak, but no words come out. It's like her voice has been trapped at the bottom of her throat.

"Of course," she continues, moving some of the cards around. "It wasn't really yesterday…more a second _today_…" She looks up at Rachel, and her mouth twists into a combination of a grin and a smirk, her thin lips baring stained yellow teeth. Rachel swallows a lump in her throat that she didn't know was there.

"What are you –do you know what's happening to me? What the hell is going on! You have to tell me –"

"Rach!" Puck calls out. She turns her head back to him. He's holding up his phone, trying to wave her over. "My mom wants me home. It's Schindler's list night, and she's still pissed I missed out on the last one." Rachel nods at him, and signals for him to wait a minute. Turning back to face the woman, who's smirking at her, she points her finger out and tells her in the sternest voice that she can muster; "I will be back to find out _exactly _what you know about what's happening to me, and that's a _promise_."

Gypsy-Lady nods. "I know you will, my dear. I foresee it" She starts chuckling as Rachel walks away, the sound following Rachel out of the mall and into the carpark

In the car driving home with Puck, she stays quiet, too deep in her thoughts to engage in conversation. What that woman had said…it came as a huge shock. If she knew about the two worlds –the _only_ other person who seemed too –then…was it possible that she had something to do with it? Rachel bangs her head on the window in frustration. This sucked. So bloody much.

"You right there, babe?" Puck looks at her, brow furrowed. "Ya seem…angry, or something. I dunno. You wanna talk about it?" Rachel sighs and shakes her head.

"No, it's not something I can really talk about. Don't worry, though, I think I'll be alright." Puck takes one of his hands off the wheel and reaches over for hers, squeezing it softly.

"If anything's bothering you, Rach, you know you can always talk to me. S'what I'm here for." He smiles at her, and she gives him a small smile back, squeezing his hand in return.

"Thank you Noah." She looks down at their hands, clasped together, their fingers interlocking. "You're an amazing boyfriend." She can see him grinning as he faces to the front, still holding her hand. It's a little bit of a surprise to her –the fact that he's such a good boyfriend.

Then again, did she ever expect him to be anything less?

* * *

><p><em>"Living in dreams of yesterday, we find ourselves still dreaming of impossible future conquests" –Charles Lindbergh<em>


	4. sex, lies and songs on youth

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Glee, Puck and Rachel would have been naked last season, and Finn, Santana and Brittany would be in a three-way relationship that would spawn hilarious stories on this site. Why are there no stories with the three of them together? I must write one sometime...

Studying for half-yearly exams sucks donkey balls. I'm starting to think I'll never get my law degree, and I'll be stuck in some small flat somewhere with 37 cats still writing fanfiction. Dear lord, I must balance my time.

* * *

><p>Rachel could lie to you and say that the first Glee club meeting dedicated to Regionals was a perfectly nice meeting that was full of polite discussion and good arguments as to what song they would be performing.<p>

But she's no liar. That first meeting was a _disaster_, to say the least.

She's sitting next to Finn in the front row, trying her very hardest not to roll her eyes as Santana and Quinn embark in a full-on war as to what song they should headline with. It takes all of her efforts not to tell them that their song selections are not really Regional's material (she's not stupid –getting in the middle of a fight between Santana and Quinn means certain death).

"Look, Santana, the best song to choose to sing is _Fifteen_ by Taylor Swift. It's all about finding yourself in a large, scary world, and having to deal with the hardships of trying to fit into the high school crowd. It's a perfect choice for our club."

"Oh, bitch, _please_. As if you ever had any trouble with fitting in, Miss I'm-so-pretty-and-blonde-everybody-love-me-now. And if you think for a second that I'm gonna sit back and watch us perform a song that you _so very _obviously only picked so you can solo in it, you're wrong, sweetie. There is no fuckin' way that we're doing Taylor Swift. If anything, we should be doing _Party Rock Anthem_ by LMFAO. What better way to sum up youth by doing every wannabe-gangster teen's favourite song?"

Rachel can see Mercedes opening her mouth –probably about to put in her opinion, which will no doubt add fuel to the already raging fire –and so she chooses this moment to stand up and interject (certain death be damned). "Ok, this is just absurd! If either of you honestly think for a second that I will get up on that stage and be singing Taylor Swift _or _LMFAO, then you've both got another thing coming. There is no way I am risking our chances at a shot at Nationals on either of those songs." She clears her throat before continuing. "I suggest a duet of the classical, yet still so very relevant _Forever Young_, with a group performance of _We are Young_ –which is a good choice because not only have we practised it previously, it showcases a large range of vocal levels and strengths." Rachel beams at Mr Schuester and then sits back in her seat, smoothing down her skirt.

Mr Schue claps his hands together. "You know what? I think that's an _excellent _idea, Rachel. Does everyone else agree?" Santana, Quinn and Mercedes look like they're about to protest, but he continues too fast for them to do so. "Great! Guys, we have our Regionals set-list."

She knows that Mr Schuester probably only agreed to her song choices to put an end to the argument, but a win is a win in her eyes. Her song choices were far better than anyone else could have thought of anyway.

"And may I ask who will be doing the solos for the duet, if _We are Young_ is going to be a group performance?" Kurt asks from the back of the room, his tone bored. It's an act, Rachel thinks. He wants a solo just as much as anyone else in this room. Except Rory, maybe. She's always been under the impression that he was content with singing backup in the large performances. Maybe it's what they do in Ireland.

"Well…a stripped-down version of _Forever Young_ would sound just amazing up on stage…so maybe Puck with his guitar…and Quinn singing alongside with him." Mr Schuester clicks his fingers and grins. "Yeah, that could work…what do you think, Rachel?"

Rachel snaps her head up in surprise. Part of her wants to argue with Mr Schuester about his choice (she _was_ promised a solo opportunity), and most days she would. But today? Not so much. After everything that had happened yesterday with the gypsy fortune teller crackpot, arguing about who gets to sing a song on stage seems almost silly. She sucks in a breath, and starts a sentence that the Rachel Berry of last year would never have _dreamed_ of letting slip from her lips.

"I think that Noah and Quinn would sound lovely singing together for the duet. They both have the types of voices for this particular song, and an acoustic version would sound beautiful."

Mr Schue nods his head and claps his hands (and Rachel has noticed he seems to do that rather a lot). "Right then, I think we can call this meeting to a close. Great work, everyone."

She can't quite put her finger on it, but something about Quinn and Puck singing together on stage, side by side, really close to each other, kind of bothers her. It's an unsettling feeling, and she can't say that she likes it. She busies herself with putting her folders in her bag, tyring her best not to think about it.

"Miss Berry," comes a voice from behind her. She turns around to see Quinn standing there, holding up a copy of _Cosmo_. Quinn smiles at her. "It's got a whole section dedicated to painting nails. Do you want to come over for a mani/pedi?"

"Miss Fabray, I would like nothing more than that. Can I steal a lift from you?"

"Why of course, Rachel," she giggles, linking Rachel's arm in hers. They pass Finn as they walk to the door, and Rachel calls out to him.

"Finn, I'm going over to Quinn's, I'll call you tonight."

"Ok, baby," he replies, before blowing her a kiss and returning to his conversation with Santana. Rachel's brow is furrowed as she walks down the hall, arm in arm with Quinn. "Since when have Santana and Finn been so close?" she asks.

"Um, I think it might have been after he sung that song to her when she was coming out. You of all people know how closely songs can bond people together." Quinn must be able to sense Rachel's mood, because she pulls her a little closer, and tells her, "Look, it's not that bad, Rachel. Santana and Finn may be friends, but he loves you. He would never do anything with any other girl He's not –" Quinn pauses. "Well, he's not like that with _you_ anyway…had he ever cheated on you before?" Rachel shakes her head. "I highly doubt he's about to start now. So stop worrying. It'll cause early wrinkles, and they are _no one's_ friend, believe me." Quinn pulls her car keys out of her bag, and unlocks the doors. "Now, get in. My nails are just dying to be painted."

Rachel sighs and complies, getting into the passenger seat. Now all she really feels is guilt. Finn has been so faithful to her these past few months, and how does she repay him? By having a relationship with another person in another world, who just so happens to be his best friend in this one.

She's a terrible person.

*/*

An hour later, she finds herself staring down at a set of pale pink fingernails, and a light shade of green on her toenails. "Quinn…" she starts. "How is this meant to help me feel better again?"

"It's therapeutic."

"…how?"

"Does it matter? Point is, it is." Quinn sighs, her expression dreamy. "This could be the start of something, Rachel. A second chance…" Rachel raises an eyebrow.

"Quinn, what are you talking about?"

Quinn stares at her like she's stupid. "Puck, you idiot. I'm going to be doing a duet with him at Regionals. We'll have to rehearse it together, working on it for hours to get it just right…there's always been something between us. I just need some time alone with him for him to realise that again."

There it was again. That stirring feeling in her stomach. She had to change the subject; now.

"So, Quinn, would you like red nails, or pink nails?"

The girl thinks about this for a while. "Red would be lovely, thank you. It's the colour of confidence, red. And I'm going to need all the confidence I get if I'm going to try and get Puck back."

Rachel groans inwardly. This is going to be a _long _afternoon.

*/*

She kisses Puck extra hard when she sees him the next morning. And she's still not quite sure why.

*/*

The same Regionals meeting is held after school that day and Mr Schuester starts off the meeting in the same way; by asking if anyone has any ideas that they would like to put forward to the set-list. Rachel can see Quinn and Santana starting to raise their hands out of the corner of her eye, so she quickly puts her hand up high. "Mr Schuester? I have an idea, if you would like to hear it?"

"Sure thing, Rachel. Shoot."

"I was thinking that for our theme of Youth –which I feel is an _exceptional_ idea for a choice of song–we should do a stripped down version of the classical _Forever Young_, leading into a group performance of _We are Young_, thus showcasing two key voices and the large range of vocals that I know we as a club possess." She smiles afterwards, directed straight at Mr Schue (because she learnt long ago that smiling was the key to anyone's heart).

The teacher smiles back at her. "You know what, Rachel? I think that is a fan_tastic_ idea! Yeah, an acoustic performance of _Forever Young_ would sound amazing up on stage. Puck!" Puck's head shoots up, and he responds with a bored "Yeah?"

"You think you can learn the cords to the song by the time Regionals comes around?"

Puck snorts. "Just give me a few hours, Schue, I'll be playing that song in my sleep."

Mr Schuester claps his hands together (and Rachel notices, he seems to do that rather a lot), and skims his eyes around the room, squinting his eyes. "Rachel!" he finally yells out. "You can sing with Puck in the duet. I do remember promising you a solo earlier." Rachel's eyes widen in surprise. Wasn't Quinn meant to get that part? She nods her head eagerly, scared that if she doesn't do it quickly, the place might be given away.

"Right, then that settles that then. We'll get started on the choreography –if we want a chance at beating the teams this year, we need to start early. Mike, Brittany? If you will?" Mike and Brittany move forward to the front of the room, and immediately start talking about which moves they think will give them an advantage over the other teams if they all manage to pull them off. At first, Rachel listens intently, but her attention falters when she feels Puck's arm move around her shoulders and his body slide closer to hers. His head leans in, lips brushing softly against her ear. She shivers when his gruff voice whispers in her ear. "A duet together, huh? Guess that means we'll have to practice a lot…long, long hours, all by ourselves, just trying to get those last few chords right…who's knows what we might have to do to work off all the tension?" He chuckles lowly, and a small breathy whimper escapes from her throat.

_Oh dear _lord_, Rachel! Pull yourself together! _

She clears her throat, and tries to think of something –_anything _–else to take her mind of the boy who's now rubbing his hand up and down her arm at a slow pace. It really doesn't help that she hasn't had any kind of…release since she's found herself in this whole messy predicament. And who can blame her? She feels far too guilty about Puck to do anything with Finn other than kissing, and she's not enough of a harlot to go any further with Puck. Even though she knows he certainly wouldn't object.

For the love of Barbara Streisand, she's lasted seventeen years without sex before! Surely she can go a little while longer?

Although, with Puck inching his way closer and closer every second, she's really starting to doubt her self-control in that area.

How on earth did she survive that week in sophomore year?

*/*

When Glee practise is over, Rachel stops off at her locker, intent on finding that science textbook that she just knows will have vital information to help her in the next test. You can never over-learn, in her opinion. "Here we are," she says, finding the book hidden behind a stack of papers. A noise behind her startles her, and she turns around and sees Finn and Quinn standing at the other end of the hall.

It's a picture perfect memory of one of the sights that she endured almost every day of freshman and sophomore year. The perfect head cheerleader, with her all-American quarterback boyfriend, engaged in an act of pure, jealousy inducing romance. Finn's leaning down to kiss her lightly, and she's all smiles and blushes back up at him. Quinn spots Rachel over Finn's shoulder, and smirks at her with that same little smug smile that Rachel has seen too many times to count. She grabs Finn's hand in hers and walks in the opposite direction to Rachel, leaving the girl behind in her wake.

Rage and jealousy bubble up in the pit of Rachel's stomach, and she slams her locker shut with a _BANG_. She stomps outside, clutching her bag at her shoulders, and is presented with the sight of Quinn stepping into Finn's car and driving out of the car park. She growls underneath her breath. Staying faithful to Finn really isn't worth it if she has to endure him loving up Quinn in front of her face. She's seen enough of that for a lifetime.

In the other corner of the car park, Puck is walking to his truck. Rachel quickly runs over to him, shouting "Noah!" as she moves.

He pauses opening his door, and turns around to face her, cocky grin plastered on his face. He takes in her puffing form, and it only grows bigger. "I got you all hot and bothered, have I, Rach?"

She glares at him and takes in a few deep breaths, trying to get her heart back to a normal rate. "I was just wondering, Noah, if you wanted to come over this afternoon. To practise for our duet" He raises an eyebrow at her, and she quickly continues. "It's just…my dads are out on their date night and they won't be back till very late…so essentially, we'll have the whole house to ourselves…to sing."

Puck smirks at her and reaches out, pulling her hips against his and bending his head down to reach her ear. "Oh, I'll make you sing alright," he growls, biting at her earlobe in a way that makes her gasp. "You'll be hitting those high notes for _hours_, babe." She can feel him growing hard against her leg, and she rasps out; "Start the car before I change my mind."

*/*

Afterwards, they're both lying naked under the covers of her bed, panting and sweaty, but nowhere near fulfilled. Puck pulls himself over her body and starts laying open mouth kisses to her neck, trailing them lower and lower and lower down her body while she moans and whimpers from a pleasure that has never felt so strong.

All Rachel can bring herself to think is '_wow…' _

* * *

><p>"<em>Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world" –Harriet Tubman<em>

* * *

><p>I doubt I will ever pluck up the courage to write real PuckRachel porn. At least not for a while anyway. Sigh

B-dubs, just a quick question before you close your browser and leave to do god knows what, I know that Rachel thinks she's a horrible person for doing all this, but what do you think?

Reviews are most welcome :)


	5. make your excuses

**Dislcaimer**: Yeah, I wish -.-

**Warning: **Severe Quick and Finchel in this chapter, and even more in the chapters to follow. Consider yourselves warned. Also (something people probaly _wont_ be complaining about), rather heavy teenage-makeout session between Puck and Rachel that may borderline on an 'M' rating. If you're not cool with that stuff, when you hit 'it', just keep on scrolling.

Two updates in one week? I'm on a mother-freakin' ROLL. Which probably wont last. Oh well. And before I let you go...a little bit of completely shameless self-promotion. I've posted a new Puck and Rachel one-shot on my profile, so if you're interested, feel free to read! If not, then just continue on with chapter 5.

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><p>The English essay she has on <em>Brave New World<em> is proving to be a hard one to accomplish.

It certainly does not help that her boyfriend is kissing his way down her neck, doing his ever best to distract her.

"Finn, stop, I really have to get this finished. It's due in a week's time," she says, trying to push him away from her. He wheels her chair around to face him, his smile goofy. She endeavours to make one back, but it ends up looking more like a grimace than anything else. _Damn…_

"Yeah, and you have, like, eight days to finish it then." Rachel doesn't bother to correct him. "Besides, we haven't had sex in _forever_ and I kinda miss it." He stops for a second. "Why is that?"

Rachel falters. "I-uh, I just…haven't really been in the mood for it, Finn. Girls have to be in a certain mood to want to engage in any sort of sexual activities with their respective partners, and I just simply haven't been feeling the vibe lately."

Finn frowns. "How do I make you 'feel the vibe'?" he asks. Rachel lets out a small laugh.

"You can't really make anyone feel the vibe. They either feel it or they don't. And I don't at the moment…I'm sorry." _That's not the reason at all, is it? _

Truth be told, it really isn't. The main reason that she hasn't had sex with Finn is that a few days ago, well, she and Puck did just that. And it was fan_tastic_. The way that boy moves his hips…oh dear lord, she's not ashamed to say she's been craving that feeling of pure _pleasure_ ever since. She's just not sure if it's worth feeling all that guilt afterwards again, though. Memories of Finn telling her that he loved her, that she was beautiful and that she was the only one for him…forever tainted with images of a grinning Puck above her, grinding into her faster and faster, catching her mouth with his and swallowing her loud moans. Another voice whispering in her ear that she was the _prettiest fuckin' thing on this whole earth_ before snapping his hips one final time and bringing them both to the biggest climax she's ever experienced. Someone else telling her that he loved her while holding her in his arms, stroking her hair softly and pressing soft kisses to her skin.

She could hardly tell Finn that, could she? How on earth would she even pose that statement? _Oh well, my darling boyfriend that I love so very much, the reason that I don't want to have sex with you is actually rather funny! You see, I've been living this double life in this world and a dream-like one that I'm suspecting is less and less like a dream every day. Yes, it is rather strange, isn't it? Anyway, in that dream, I had sex with Puck, and I'm afraid to say, it's probably ruined me from sex with anyone else for possible forever. Darn shame. I'm oh so very sorry, and did I mention that I love you? _

Yeah. That'd go down like a lead balloon.

Finn shakes his head, and grabs his bag off her bed. "Where are you going?" she questions. "I thought we were going to study?"

"Yeah? Well I thought that I was going to have some relationship time with my girlfriend that I haven't even been able to touch her freakin' boobs in the past three weeks, so excuse me if I'm annoyed right now." Finn sighs, and sits down on the bed. "Rachel, what's happened to us lately? We've been drifting apart, and I have no idea why. I miss what we used to be." He looks up at her, almost expecting her to say something that will make him feel better. Rachel stays silent. She can't find the words inside her head. Everything seems like the wrong thing to say. For once, she's speechless.

Finn seems to take her silence the wrong way. He mutters "right then," under his breath and stomps out of her room without another word. Rachel lets out a shaky breath. She turns to the essay she's attempting to write, and after thirty seconds of staring blankly at the screen, she shuts her laptop and sighs.

Trust her to fall for another guy while she's still in love with someone else.

*/*

At school, Puck's waiting for her by her locker. Just like the day after their first kiss in Dream-world, she finds herself blushing in his presence. And having her eyes drawn magnetically to his lips. God, what was _wrong_ with her?

"Hey, Rach," he says, pulling her into a hug that she has to remind herself is _between friends and nothing else, do you hear me?_ "Just wondering if you wanted to come over and watch a movie tonight. I found a copy of _Superbad_ under my bed last night. Think Mike left it over there a few months back, and I don't plan on returning it. Whaddya say?"

"I think that sounds lovely, Noah. Is five ok to show up? I'm afraid I have some homework I need to finish before the eight day week is up."

Puck gives her an odd look before nodding. "Yeah, five is cool. Got something I need to do before then anyway. Can you bring the popcorn again? Ma refuses to buy it ever since I blew up the microwave in fourth grade. Said something like history has a habit of repeating itself in my case, I think."

She giggles, and tells him she can. "Great!" he says. "I'll see you then, then."

Rachel watches his figure walk down the hallway as he's leaving. Boyfriend or not, Puck's swagger is just as enticing in both worlds.

*/*

Later that afternoon, Rachel pulls her car up to the front of Puck's house. She grabs the popcorn bag (already cooked, lest Mrs Puckerman went off at her son) and steps out the door, walking out the path to his house. She hesitates when she reaches his door, not sure if she should knock, or just walk right in. What was the protocol in this situation? With Dream-Puck, her boyfriend, she'd just walk right in without a second thought. Does she do the same here, or knock and wait outside politely?

The question is answered for her when the door opens, revealing none other than Quinn, who looks rather surprised to see Rachel standing on Puck's porch. "Rachel? What are you doing here?" Quinn asks, pulling her friend into a hug.

_The same could be asked for you._ "Noah invited me over to watch a movie with him. I'm afraid he's on a bit of a Seth Rogen kick at the moment, and he's making me suffer it with him. Well, not really _suffer_, I guess. While Seth's movies aren't one's I'd normally watch, I must admit, he does have quite the talent for acting –and I have to say, he is very funny." She smiles at Quinn, trying to make the expression as non-fake as possible. "Were you and Noah also watching a movie?" she asks politely.

Quinn scoffs. "Oh, lord no. I can't stand Seth Rogen. His curly hair creeps me out. I was practising for our duet for Regionals." She sighs, and says, "Puck really is a great guitar player…and his voice is amazing…" Quinn trails off, smiling. Rachel has to struggle to keep hers on her face. A feat that years of acting has allowed her to carry out.

The awkwardness that had fallen over the duo is ended when Puck comes to the door, face pulling up into a grin when he sees her. "Rach! Hey, how are ya'?"

"I'm fine thanks, Noah." She holds up the popcorn. "Pre-cooked, just in case you explode your microwave again."

He glares at her. "That happened once. Once, and Ma's never gonna let me forget it."

"For good reason! God knows I'm never letting you near mine." Puck laughs and runs a hand through her hair, mussing it up. Rachel squeals, and tries to duck away in vain, but he grabs her arm and pulls her back, continuing to make a mess of the hair she'd spent so long on before coming over. Bastard.

"So, I'll see you later then, Puck?" Puck halts in tormenting Rachel and looks up at Quinn, who, Rachel notices, seems a little irritated at the lack of attention.

"Yeah, I'll see you at school tomorrow," he says with a smirk and a wink. Quinn blushes, before giving Rachel a wave and walking back to her car. It's a hard effort to keep the hurt off her face at that. Again, acting lessons do come in handy. With his hand still on her arm, Puck pulls Rachel inside, leading her to the couch. He goes over to the TV to set the movie up, and Rachel takes a second to take in her surroundings, something she always does at Noah's.

The Puckerman's house is a place that she just loves being in. The couches are old, but comfy, the décor slightly out-dated, but still fitting, the carpet soft underneath her feet, a fabric that never seems to wear out. Picture frames don every wall and a large portion of the surfaces. She knows that if she goes into their kitchen, she'll see old artworks of Noah and his sister Bekah on the fridge, with dishes still in the sink and cereal boxes permanently left lying on a counter.

Sometimes, it feels like more of a home to her than the house she shares with her dad.

Especially when she's curled up on the couch with Noah, as he strokes her hair, only half paying attention to whatever show she's put on.

Of course, she's reminded that this particular Puck isn't her boyfriend when he walks over to the couch with the remote and sits next to her, the main reason for that being the fact she's holding the popcorn.

"Lemme get a bowl for that," he says, reaching over to the coffee table in front of him and grabbing a glass bowl that always seems to be placed there. He takes the bag from her hands and pours the popcorn into the bowl, passing it to her, then scrunching up the bag and throwing it somewhere behind him. Rachel gasps, and hits his arm.

"Noah! Aren't you going to pick that up?" She scowls at him. Puck just blank stares her back.

"Yeah…later. Right now, I'm watching TV." His grin is mischievous as he presses play on the remote, ignoring the look of indignation on her face. She gives him another glare, then crosses her arms, staring stony faced at the opening scene to _Superbad_. Just how many teenage party movies were there? This one had better not be anything like _American Pie_. Rachel doesn't think she'll ever be able to look at an apple pie in the same way again.

At least this one has Michael Cera. She does love Michael Cera. He was simply _amazing_ in _Juno_.

Out of nowhere, Quinn's face pops into her head (she blames the thoughts of Michael. He and Quinn both do have adorable smiles.) She gets a nagging feeling when she remembers that Quinn was here before she was. Alone in a house with Puck. Hours of going over the song together, getting every last note just right.

It's the memory of what she and Puck did instead of practising their duet that really rings an alarm in her head.

"Noah…" she starts tentatively. "How did the rehearsal with Quinn go this afternoon?" _That's it, Rachel…keep it simple and unsuspicious. Don't let him suspect _anything.

Puck shrugs, but Rachel can see him trying to hide a smile. "Went alright. Quinn's not a bad partner, and our voices work together pretty well, so it could've sounded worse." He turns to Rachel. "You're friends with Quinn, right?" Rachel nods slowly, a little confused. "She ever…say anythin' about me? Like, ask how I'm going and all? It's just…you know how she and I had a thing when she was knocked up…I've been kinda wondering lately, what with Shelby and Beth and all, if it was still there?" The look of hope on his face is almost too much for Rachel to bear. She swallows down a lump in her throat. The next words are going to be hard for her to choke out.

"I think that Quinn might still have some lingering feelings for you, Noah. She does mention your name a lot." _Here goes nothing…_ "It's probably worth seeing if there's still something left between you too. Quinn would like it if that happened, I imagine."

Puck smiles and draws his attention back to the TV, snagging a handful of popcorn from the bowl on her lap and not saying another word.

Rachel suddenly finds it a lot harder to concentrate on the antics of Michael and Jonah.

*/*

Second period the next day, Rachel drags Puck into the janitors cupboard on the second floor, near the bathrooms. Ignoring the look of surprise on his face –as well as the aroma of paint and ancient cleaning goods –she curls a hand around the back of his neck, stands up on her toes, and kisses him fiercely, trying to erase all thoughts of him and Quinn together out of her mind. At first, Puck is too taken by surprise to do anything but let Rachel's lips move against his. After a few seconds, Rachel feels him growl against her mouth, before hoisting her up and pushing her against a wall, tongue plundering into her mouth, exploring the wet cavern with a deep, lustful hunger. One of her legs hooks around his waist on instinct, and his hand moves down to touch her thigh, slowly moving upwards until he's pushing at her skirt.

She lets out a loud moan when he bites down hard on her lip and growls again. The fact that she's still in the middle of school, and anyone could walk past and hear them, has disappeared from her mind. How could she concentrate on such a mundane matter when Puck is using the hand that's not molesting her thigh to tangle into her hair and slant her head back further, reaching impossibly deep into her mouth?

Rachel whines when he tears his mouth away from hers, but then gasps in pleasure when his lips trace up her cheek to her jawline, stopping at her ear. His tongue traces around the shell, before he nips on her earlobe, chuckling at her little whimpers. "God, you're so hot," he groans, shifting his hips in alignment with hers, and grinding into her, laughing again at her reactions. Puck starts kissing his way down to her neck, stopping at the juncture to her shoulder, where he pushes the collar to her shirt aside, and nips the skin there. He then lays a small kiss on the bite mark, and starts sucking at it, moving his hips at a faster rate. She moans again, raking her hands down the back of his neck, trying to get him to make that _oh-so-sexy_ growling noise again. He bites down hard at her neck and Rachel _screams_, holding him tighter against her heaving body.

The way his hips move against her body, the way she can feel him even through several layers of clothing, it drives her _insane_; an insanity that would gladly go to a mental institution for if it meant feeling this for every minute of every day for the rest of her god damn life.

Suddenly, his hips stop. She whines in protest (it felt _so good_), when she hears the noise that had stilled his motions. A heavy knocking on the door, followed by a voice shouting "Will you kids get your fuckin' pants on and get the hell outta my closet! God dammit, what is this? A brothel? I don't think so!"

Puck swallows and quickly looks towards the door, then back at Rachel sheepishly. His eyes travel down her face to her neck, where they stop at the large red mark near her shoulder. His pupil's dilate till the iris is completely gone, and that animalistic growl starts to escape quietly from his throat. Rachel has to push him off her with both hands to stop him from starting all over again (something which she fears she may not want to fight if it does). She smooths out her skirt before grabbing Puck's arm and leading him out of the closet, him staying very close behind her in an attempt to hide his excitement from the whole situation.

The man who must be the school's janitor is death staring the two of them, tapping his fingers on his crossed arms in an act of impatience. Rachel gives him a small, apologetic smile and he huffs, grabbing his mop bucket and escaping into the tiny room, muttering "bloody kids…" as he closes the door behind him. When she turns around, Puck's staring at her, his eyes still hungry.

"I don't know what that was all about," he starts. "But I sure as fuck aren't complaining. You ever wanna do that again, babe, you know where I am." He winks at her, and she smiles, punches him lightly and tells him not to hold his breath.

*/*

That afternoon, she gets in her car, and drives to a place she's being trying desperately to avoid.

The Mall.

Normally, the Mall isn't a very scary place for anyone, let alone Rachel. She gets a bit of a fright occasionally from the deep fryer at the kebab shop, but really, that's about it.

Add in an incredibly creepy Gypsy-Lady who seemed to know more about what was going on with Rachel then Rachel herself did, and the Mall suddenly becomes scarier than the bogey man to a five year old.

She waits in the car park for ten minutes, plucking up the courage to get out of her car. It's harder than it sounds. When staying in the car and getting out could mean the difference between hearing a future that you're not sure you want to hear; or remaining blissfully –and quite possibly dangerously –ignorant about the alternate life you're living, it can be quite a difficult choice.

Five minutes and a self-induced speech on how _Barbara would have the courage to do it_ later, she's walking away from her car to the doors of the shopping centre, pressing the lock button on her keys.

She's definitely as courageous as Barbara.

Her tent is in the same location as before, selling the exact same products. Rachel takes a deep breath before walking over to her with her head held high. Barbara would be proud. The woman is rearranging the candles on the table, seemingly unaware of Rachel's arrival. Rachel stands there for a few seconds, before clearing her throat loudly. She looks up, and smiles when she sees her. "My dear, I must say, I'm a little surprised I haven't seen you earlier. Been busy, have we?" Amusement tinges her tone, and she only chuckles when Rachel throws a heavy glare at her.

"I think you know why I haven't come earlier."

"And I think you're right. But don't worry, nerves become easier to deal with over time." Gypsy-lady grins at her, and Rachel shivers. She doesn't think she'll ever not be scared by that smile. Normal people's teeth aren't that pointy. "Now…let's get down to business. What is it you wish to know?"

_Everything_. "I want to know what's happening to me. What this whole dream world is. And quite soon, if it's possible," she states. The lady nods, and gestures to a stool sitting next to the tent. Rachel pulls it over, and seats herself down on it, eyelevel with the woman. Nothing is said for a few moments as she flips through a deck of fortune cards, muttering an unfamiliar language under her breath. Rachel shifts in her seat. "Are you going to use the cards to help me?" she asks timidly. The woman looks up and scoffs.

"Oh god, no. I don't need cards to read someone. Besides, these things are phony. Simply just a way of passing the time with otherwise ignorant shoppers." She dumps the cards on the table (leaving Rachel even more confused –which at that point was really saying something) and clasps her hands together, staring deep into Rachel's eyes in a way that made the girl feel incredibly uncomfortable. Her eyes close –Rachel lets out a sigh of relief –and she starts humming. A soft noise, that gradually grows louder and louder until other shoppers are staring at her and Rachel is feeling more awkward than she was with Finn in her bedroom yesterday. Out of nowhere, she starts speaking, giving Rachel a scare. Her voice is unrecognisable, as raspy as sandpaper sliding over gravel.

"_Two paths, one decision. Both as rewarding and sacrificial as the other. Destiny calls for an answer, she is impatient, always impatient. She shall shut the door without warning, and you will be trapped, both worlds becoming your life forever." _

Gypsy-lady coughs, and reopens her eyes, blinking a few times. She looks back at Rachel, whose face is painted in fear. If she's being quite honest, she's never been more scared in her entire life.

"So…" she starts. "What you're saying is, if I don't choose between Noah and –I mean, the real world or the dream world, I'm stuck living in both _forever_?" The woman nods. "How do I choose between them both?"

"That, my dear, is for you to figure out for yourself. The answer to how to choose the right door will come to you in time."

Rachel's eyes widen, and she gasps in outrage. "What do you mean, it will come to me in time? In time could be too late! I might be stuck in this messed up situation for the rest of my bloody life!"

Gypsy-lady shrugs. "Better choose fast then," she chuckles, before reaching at a cord above her head and pulling it down, letting a shade fall down over the opening to the stall, blocking Rachel from view. Rachel is _not_ impressed.

"You open those blinds right now and come out here and tell me _what it is I need to fucking DO!_" she screams. A lady passing by with two kids in tow glares at her.

"Do you mind? I have my kids with me, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't yell out swears at the top of your lungs. This is a public area, for Pete's sake." Rachel is too annoyed by what has happened to be ashamed, or even a little embarrassed. She gives the woman her biggest death stare (who jumps back in fright, clutching at her kid's hands) and storms away from the stall, ignoring the faint laughter from inside it.

She leaves the Mall even more confused than she was entering it. Barbara never had to face such difficulties.

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><p>I think my chapters are starting to get shorter and shorter...I should probably work on that :

Reviews are most welcome :)


	6. lets all confess our sins, shall we?

Yes, I do realise I am a terrible person for not updating earlier. But exam season is finally over, and I think once I graduate this place, I'm just going to sleep for the rest of my life. Screw everything outside my bedroom.

This chapter is jampacked with even more plot that when I first planned it out months ago. Hopefully it makes up for the lateness :P

Also, has anyone else out there not seen the final of Glee? I've only just finished watching Dance with Somebody, and I'm still trying to pluck up the courage to watch the last few. For some reason, it just doesnt feel like Glee anymore. And that makes me sad

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><p>The bad mood that Rachel had contracted from the Mall followed her around for the next few days, hanging over her head like a cloud full of stormy weather. In the Finn-world, she slams her locker door shut, scowling as she hoists her bag over her shoulder and walks down the hall to first period. <em>Who the hell does she think she is, tormenting me like this? This is <em>not _fair –does she just expect me to do this for the rest of my life? I don't know how Audrey Hepburn did it, this is simply _exhausting_._ "Yo, Rach, wait up!" Rachel's glare deepened, and she turned on her heel to come face to face with Puck, who looked a little taken aback. "Uh, sorry. Didn't mean to make you all angry…I just got something to tell you."

She sighs. "No, I'm sorry, Noah. I'm not angry at you…it's just been a bad few days." She musters up a small smile. "What was it you wanted to tell me now?"

"Oh, yeah. Um, well, I've been listening to all that stuff you've been saying about how important it is to be applying to college's and shit, and with graduation coming up I thought it'd be a good idea if I, you know, actually applied to a few places. And fuck knows I don't wanna stay here for the rest of my life, so –you're gonna love this part –I sent in applications to schools in New York." He grins and raises his eyebrows. "Pretty damn good of me, huh?"

Rachel squeals and launches herself at him, wrapping her arms around his middle and pulling him into a hug. "Noah, that's amazing!" she says, face turned up at him.

He laughs and hugs her back. "Hell yeah, it is. Just think about it, we're gonna do every fuckin' touristy thing in New York together. Hail taxis, climb to the top of the Empire State Building, walk through Central Park. Best friends even out of Ohio. Man, I can't wait to tell Quinn."

Rachel's heart seems to stop for a second, and she can taste something sour at the back of her throat. She carefully removes her arms from Puck's person, and smooths down her skirt for a reason she's not quite sure. "Yes, tell Quinn. Of course you would want to tell her. She'd want to know if you were planning on moving away."

Puck runs a hand through his hawk, biting his lip in a way that Rachel wishes she could say didn't make her breath hitch. "I don't wanna move away from her, though. Do you think…do you think if I asked her out now, she'd want to move to New York with me? Would it be too soon to ask her to move to another city with me? I got no idea about any of this shit, I don't normally do relationships."

"I think it would be something you'd have to talk to Quinn about after you two started dating. I don't know. It _might_ be too soon…"

"I just, I think she might be the one, Rachel. We've been through so much together and if I asked her out only to have to break up with her a few months later, it'd suck so fucking bad." Puck sighs, and says nothing else. Rachel doesn't as well. She just doesn't know what to say to that.

The bell rings above their heads, impossibly loud in the silence that had fallen over the two. Rachel nods at nothing, and looks up at Puck, ignoring the block in her throat. "I'd better be going to class now, Noah. I, um…I wish you the _best_ of luck with college and Quinn and that you get everything that your heart desires, because you _do_ deserve it." She doesn't wait for his reply; instead she turns back around and continues walking to class, trying her very hardest not to look back.

*/*

Rachel keeps the sadness at bay for almost half the day. She breaks down at lunchtime, and finds herself crying in the girl's bathroom on the third floor, the one almost never used at lunchtime because of its distance from the cafeteria. Her sobs fill the area, pushing up her throat and choking out with a raw, pleading sound. When she looks in the mirror, she starts crying again. Her cheeks and nose are a bright red, and the eye makeup she'd so delicately put on this morning is running down her face in black, ugly streaks. No wonder Puck would choose Quinn over her every damn time. She's a mess. A horrid, ugly mess. She moves away from the mirror, walking over a wall and sliding down it to sit on the floor. Her knees move up to her chest, her arms wrap around her legs and she sits there, her cries quieting but never stopping.

What on earth had she done to deserve this? Maybe this is how Audrey had felt in _Sabrina_. Rachel used to think that she would have to choose both of the guys in that situation. Being stuck in a similar one now, she knows that isn't the case.

She sniffles, and blinks to try and get all the water out. The sound of the bathroom door opening startles her, and she watches with wide eyes as two sneaker clad feet step their way towards her, stopping inches in front of her own feet. One stays still, as the other taps impatiently on the floor.

"Alright, normally I wouldn't ask, but I think this time I gotta. What the fuck are you doing crying on the floor, Berry?" Rachel's eyes move up the girl's body and train on the face of Santana, whose arms are crossed and eyebrows raised. "Jesus fuck, you're a mess. Get up. Don't give a shit what you're all depressed about, but you look like crap, and Aunty Tana's gonna fix that for you. Savvy?"

When Rachel just sits there in confusion, Santana rolls her eyes and leans over to drag Rachel off the floor, ignoring her squeaks. She pulls her over to the counter and grabs her waist, hoisting her up onto the countertop. Her bag gets dumped down next to Rachel and she pulls out a tissue, running it under the tap before lifting it up and pressing it to Rachel's face, wiping away the ruined makeup there softly. "Now," she says. "Are you gonna tell me why you were crying on the floor of a bathroom –which is really gross, by the way."

Rachel sniffs and moves her hands up to wipe at her eyes, which are immediately slapped away with the words, "No touching!"

"I really don't know," she says. "I just don't know anymore."

"Well," Santana starts. "That's pretty fucking stupid. If you don't know why you're crying, then why the hell _are_ you crying –and I'm warning you, if you answer that question with 'I don't know', then I'm gonna get real mad."

She giggles, the first time she's laughed in days. "I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little emotional right now."

Santana nods solemnly "Blame it on the hormones. That's what I normally do." She throws the used tissue behind her, letting it fall with a wet _splat_ on the floor, and reaches into her bag to pull out a smaller one. Unzipping it, Rachel watches as Santana grabs out an assortment of cosmetics, including a lipstick in a colour that Rachel would never typically use at school. She starts work on her face, lightly dabbing the foundation on with a sponge. "Are you sure that shade is going to match my –" Santana cuts her off with a finger pressed to her lips.

"Shut up. I know what I'm doing." Rachel shuts up. Santana smirks, and continues dabbing.

Five minutes later, and Santana is carefully applying the lipstick on Rachel. "Pout," she orders, and Rachel pouts. "Rub your lips together, then blot 'em on this." She hands her a tissue before packing the makeup back into the little bag. She grabs the used tissue of Rachel and again throws it somewhere in the vicinity of behind her. "You really shouldn't litter," Rachel scolds. Santana just sticks out her tongue.

"Life's too short to look for bins, Berry. And speaking of that, life's also too short to be wasting it with someone like Finn." Rachel's eyes widen and she opens her mouth to speak, but Santana gets there first. "Please don't start with the 'But I love Finn…' crap, 'cause I really don't care. And, I know it's bullshit. You can't lie to Tana; she's seen the way you stare at Puckerman. Fuck knows why, his hair's been looking absolutely shit lately. He should get a cut like Trouty Mouth's. Might even make him good looking."

Rachel can't think of anything to say to that except, "Noah's hair isn't that bad…"

"Oh lord, you're really in deep. Look, you want my advice? Dump Finnocence. You're going places. He's not. That's a fact. Another fact is, Finn and you have no future. Whatsoever. Yeah sure, you two are so freaking cute and sweet that you make unicorns wanna puke rainbows every time they see you together, but at the end of the day, you still aren't going anywhere with each other. You're both stuck in the same direction, unicorn's vomit or not."

"Santana…you don't know what you're saying…"

"And there's the passion. Like, seriously, where the fuck is it? I don't see it anywhere. You know why? Because it's all gone. Any spark that you and Finn might have had fizzled out long ago. You're just fooling yourself with thinking that there's still something there, 'cause there's not –and I swear to god, if you start crying again I'm gonna kill you. I just perfected that makeup!"

Rachel sighs, crossing her legs together on the bench. "I don't know what to do…" she says. "On one hand, I still love Finn…but at the same time…god, I don't know what it is with Noah. We shouldn't fit, we really shouldn't. It's just…there's…"

"Chemistry," Santana finishes. "You two have chemistry. The perfect example of a good girl and a bad boy. Just like Damon and Elena. Except you're less bitchy, and Puck couldn't be as badass as Damon if he tried." Rachel giggles again, hopping down off the bench.

"Ian Somerhalder is quite attractive, isn't he?"

"Quite's a fucking understatement."

"Wait…if you knew that I had something for Noah…does that mean that everyone else could see it too?"

Santana scoffs. "Those idiots in Glee? Fuckers don't notice anything that don't got to do with them."

Rachel inspects her reflection in the mirror, tracing a finger lightly over her lips. It wasn't much different to how she did her makeup herself, except her eyes were smokier (_sexier_, a little voice in her head corrects) and her lips redder. "It looks wonderful, Santana. Thank you."

"No thank you's are necessary –you really needed it, anyway. Your face was a disaster." Santana swings her bag back on and walks to the door. Just before she opens it, she turns back to Rachel, and gives her a sad smile. "Seriously, though. Break it off with Finn. If you're not into him anymore, it aint fair to drag it on." The door swings shut behind her, and once again, Rachel is left alone.

*/*

"You know, Noah, I've been thinking, what with graduation coming up and everything, we really should look into applying to some schools for you." Rachel looks over at Puck expectantly from the passenger seat of his truck. They've stopped at a red light on the way to school, and Puck seemed to be thinking Rachel's words over.

"I've actually been thinking of doing that. I'm not sure where to go but. Or fuck, if I'm even good enough to get in to the fucking college if I do decide to. You know what a screw-up I am, Rach. Knowing me, I'd fail every application I send in."

"Noah Puckerman that is _nonsense_!" She reaches over the console and punches him in the arm as hard as he can. "You are _not_ a screw-up, and you _will_ be going to college. There is no way in hell I am letting you throw your life away because you think you aren't good enough." The light turns green, and Puck starts driving again. He doesn't answer her question, but Rachel can see him smiling.

"My girl believes in me," he says proudly. "You got no idea how good that feels."

"Oh I think I have some. You believe in _me_, after all. It does feel rather good, doesn't it?"

"Rach," he starts. "I don't know where I'd go. To college. I've got no idea."

"New York," she states simply. "Come to New York with me." Rachel knew that there was a good chance that when she made her decision, this world could disappear and whatever she was saying now could be null, but at this point in time, she just didn't care. Screw the decision. Screw the both worlds. Screw the stupid gypsy. She was going to have a moment with her boyfriend like a normal couple would –damn the goddamn situation.

Puck di something that surprises her then; he veers the car suddenly out of the traffic and drives it onto the side of the road, stopping the engine. He turns to face Rachel and grabs her hands in his, looking down at them instead of her face. "I was wondering when you'd ask me to come with you," he says quietly. "It's stupid, but I was kind of scared that…" He trails off, still staring at their fingers, now entwined together.

"Scared that what, Noah?" she asks, silently willing him to look up. When he does, she has to hold back a gasp. The look in his eyes…she doesn't think she's ever seen something so _raw_. If she's honest, she falls in love with him a little more in those few seconds.

"Scared that you wouldn't want me in New York with you. You're always talking about leaving all of Lima behind you in the dust, and I don't wanna be left behind. I wanna come to New York with you and watch you be a star in front of my eyes instead of on TV like everyone else will. But at the same time, I don't wanna drag you down. You shouldn't lose your dream just because of me. You deserve to be a star, and me? After all I've done, I fucking deserve shit."

_Oh my lord…_"Noah…I…you could _never_ hold me down. And –will you look at me?" she says, for he's gone back to staring at their hands again. He looks up, and she continues. "You will never hold me down, and I'll never hold you down, ok? We're going to make it big together because my dreams of stardom aren't just for me, they're for you too. I could make it on my own –no doubt about that –but I don't want to. It's going to be lonely at the top, Noah, and well..." She smiles softly at him. "…every Maria needs her Tony."

Puck sits in the driver's seat across from her, not saying a word. Slowly, he untangles a hand from hers and lifts it up to cup one of her cheeks. He leans in and brushes her lips with his in a kiss that's barely a kiss. "I love you too," he murmurs against them, moving his other hand around to cradle the back of her head and pull her in further. He nips at her bottom lip with his teeth and tugs it towards him, taking it in between his lips and sucking lightly. She can feel him grin against her lips when she whimpers quietly. Puck starts placing butterfly kisses against her lips, each as regulated as her heartbeat, which was gradually increasing in tempo. His lips move away from her mouth, kissing their way across her cheek, along her jawbone and then down her neck where he stops at her collarbone, and presses a kiss to the juncture where her neck meets her shoulder. Rachel whimpers again when he starts to suck a hickey onto the skin, one hand tangled in her hair, another trailing up and down her back. "I don't want you to ever leave me," he says, nuzzling into her neck. "I just wanna stay like this forever."

"Well, we have to leave the car sometime," she jokes, voice faltering. Puck's head slowly raises and he leans in to kiss her again, before resting his forehead against hers, noses bumping and eyes meeting in a scorching gaze.

"I mean it, Rach. I'm never leaving you. I want…I want us to live together. I wanna move into some shitty apartment in New York that's close to a park, with a bookshop a few streets away 'cause I know how much you love those. I wanna hear all about your day when you get back from classes and everything about what you've learnt. I'll tell you how much mine sucked, and how I hate all my teachers. We'll eat Ramen noodles every night 'cause we can't afford anything else with our student loans and rent fees. Every night, we'll fall asleep on a futon after having absolutely mind-fucking-blowing sex, and we'll always be holding each other. Except when we fight, 'cause then I'll sleep on the couch for half the night, before waking you up and starting the fight all over again. We'll have made up by morning, and we'll skip classes to continue making up on every surface in the place. Eventually, we'll graduate and move into a better place. I'll start training as a mechanic and I'll play on open-mike nights in bars, sometimes with my favourite girl singing along with me. You'll get some kickass job on Broadway, and when you hit 24 you'll get your first Tony, a year early 'cause it's the only way you'd do it. I'll have heard your acceptance speech a hundred fucking times before, but I'll still be listening to every word and only half because you'll make me. You'll continue to get roles in the best plays, and I'll be fixing cars every night, singing every song that reminds me of you under my breath." His breathing gets heavier, and Rachel can feel her eyes tearing. He doesn't stop though, he keeps on talking and keeps on looking right into her eyes. Rachel starts to get the feeling that what he's saying is playing out right in front of his eyes, and she can't help but wonder what the future her looks like in his mind.

"One day, you'll get a pregnancy test that says positive, and I'll have to sit through nine months of your hormones on full blast. All the late night craving trips and foot rubs'll be worth it when we're in the hospital with our baby boy…we'll call him Jacob. Is Jacob a Jewish name? I'm gonna have to ask my mother. Jacob's gonna look just like me, but with your big eyes. I'm never gonna be able to be angry at him, 'cause every time I look at him, I'm gonna see you. We'll move into a bigger place, a nicer apartment block near a preschool and a better park. Jacob's gonna love that park, Rach. Should we name his sister Caroline? She'll have hair just like yours, but my eyes this time. Jacob's gonna be just like me, a big brother. He's gonna do a better job than me, though. Protect his little sister from everything. If we end up having another boy, I'll end up giving in and letting you name him Pacey –but only if his middle name can be Dexter, just to balance it out. Our life, our _family_, it's gonna be great, Rach. We're gonna be great." Rachel is out rightly sobbing now. Puck's looks as close as he's ever going to get to tears. Rachel moves over the console and sits herself on his lap, burrowing her face into his neck, tears wetting the collar of his shirt. He doesn't appear to care, though. He holds her close to his chest, whispering things to her that she can't quite make out.

"We're gonna be late," he chokes out, but makes no effort to move, and instead tightens his grip on her.

"I don't care," she says into his neck.

Rachel thinks if she is forced to give up this life with Puck, she won't be able to go on.

*/*

She wears a shade of lipstick similar to the one Santana put on her the next day. She can't help but smile at her reflection in the mirror –it is an awfully nice colour. There's a definite spring in her step as she walks down the corridors at school (there's just too much elation inside of her to walk like a sane person would), hair bouncing behind her. She sees Quinn standing at her locker, pulling out books, and as much as she would like to walk right on past without giving her a second look, she reminds herself that Quinn is her friend and is not aware of the slight grudge that Rachel is holding against her. Quinn grins when she sees her (a _real_ grin). "I'm loving the lipstick, Rachel. New shade?"

"No, I just don't wear it that often. I thought I'd try it out today, do something new."

"You should do something new more often, it looks good on you." She smiles, and asks, "How's everything going with you? I didn't get a chance to talk to you yesterday."

"Oh, everything's just great, Quinn," she replies. She's about to tell her why but stops herself quickly. It's probably best _not_ to tell Quinn the reason she's so over the moon today. Quinn tends to talk, and people already think she's crazy as it is. "I think it's just one of those days."

"Mm, I know exactly what you mean. Shall I accompany you to first period, Miss Berry?"

Rachel giggles. "Why, of course, Miss Fabray." Quinn laughs back, and links her arm in Rachel's, walking the girl down the hall and telling her all about her horrendous night babysitting her niece again.

At recess, she's making her way to the cafeteria where she promised Quinn she'd wait for her before they went to the courtyard together, when she runs into Finn. Quite literally.

"Oh god, Rachel, are you OK?" he asks, holding out a hand for her. She nods slowly and takes his hand, letting him pull her to her feet.

"I think so…nothing appears to be broken." She inspects her clothes for any dust (one can never be too careful with the floors of a public high school) and looks up at Finn. "Don't worry," she says, seeing the look on his face. "I'm fine. I've had worse falls in dancing." Finn stays quiet after that, and as Rachel can't seem to find the right words to say, she's quiet as well. It's a few moments of awkward silence before Finn blurts out, "What happened to us?"

Rachel's a little taken aback. "I don't really know, Finn," she stammers. "I guess…maybe there's something that was there before that's just…well, not there now."

Finn nods sadly. "We're not the same anymore. I think it's been that way for a while, we just –"

"Didn't want to admit it to ourselves," she finished for him.

"I still love you, kinda. That hasn't gone, but."

Rachel sighs. "I still love you too, Finn. But it's different now. It doesn't matter if we love each other –if there's nothing there, then there's nothing there." Rachel looks down at her feet. Finn runs a hand through his hair. He reaches out for Rachel's hand, but holds it there expectantly, almost as if he's not sure to take her hand. She clasps his in both of hers, and his other one comes together as well. "I'm always going to love you, no matter what. You were my first love, and that's never going to change." Her voice is firm, but comforting. Every word she speaks rings true inside her heart. "We're not in love anymore, though, and I don't think we should continue our relationship when really, all we're doing is prolonging the inevitable."

Finn laughs, but it's humourless. "I guess this is goodbye then," he says.

"I guess so."

He looks at her and gives her a sad smile before lifting their hands up and giving her hand a soft kiss. He releases them, and says, "Bye, Rach. And…thank you."

"Anytime, Finn," she replies. He's nodding to himself as he walks down the hall. She watches his retreating back, saying a final goodbye to the first boy she ever loved inside her head.

She wasn't lying to him. No matter what, a small part of her heart will always belong to one Finn Hudson.

*/*

That night, she finds herself at the Puckerman's, keeping a lonely Puck company. With his mom and sister visiting their aunt (who apparently doesn't like her nephew quite as much as her sister and niece), he'd called Rachel up and asked her if she was up for a movie. "Sure," she'd said into the receiver. "What time would you like me over?"

"Round sevenish. Bring chips."

She turns up at his door at exactly 7.02, a bag of cheese Doritos in hand. She rings the doorbell, shivering in the cold wind that's picked up since school had ended. He opens the door and grins when he sees the chips. "Aw, sweet! Doritos are the shit, man."

"It's nice to know you're excited to see me too."

Puck laughs. "Sorry, Rach," he apologises. He walks forward and leans down to hug her, his arms encircling her shoulders. She can feel the soft material of his grey hoodie on her cheek, and she frowns when he lets go. "Come in, I got the movie in the player, and the heats on high."

"Thank god," she says, pushing past him. "It's absolutely freezing outside –I don't understand how you're walking around barefoot." Puck wiggles his toes and says, "Socks are for pussies. My feet are warm enough."

Rachel grabs a bowl from the kitchen and pours the chips into the bowl, sneaking one before throwing the packet in the bin. Her diet can be on hold for one night. She brings the bowl into the lounge room, where Puck's sitting on the couch, remote in hand. She sits down next to him and hands him the bowl. The TV screen's showing the DVD menu for _Pineapple Express_, and Rachel says, "I don't think I've ever seen this movie. I would have remembered James Franco for sure."

Puck shrugs. "It's a good movie. Better when you're high, but. Actually, I think I got some weed up –" He cuts himself off when he sees Rachel glaring at him, and hastily mutters "Never mind." He presses play on the remote and then swings his legs up on the couch, his calves resting on Rachel's thighs. _Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. _Rachel's eyes skim from the feet that are resting inches away from her leg, all the way up to the top of his legs –and then mentally scolds herself for even looking anywhere _near_ that region. Puck doesn't notice her staring, and for that, she's glad. The last thing she needs is her friend detecting that she's staring at his crotch, for god's sake.

Needless to say, Rachel finds it hard to concentrate on the movie.

Almost two hours later, the end credits are running, and Puck's looking at the TV with his brow furrowed. "I swear it was funnier last time I watched it," he says, shaking his head.

"That might have been because of the marijuana. Remember?"

"Oh. Yeah. We totally should have gotten high."

"Noah, I was not going to get high just so I could enjoy a movie. That's stupid."

"It's not stupid. If we got high now, I'd show you just how un-stupid it is."

Rachel rolls her eyes. "I'm not getting high."

Puck sticks his tongue out at her. "You're no fun. Oh, is what I heard today true?"

"Is what true?"

"That you and Finn broke up. Mike was talking about it in the lockers. Said he heard it from Santana or something. Sucks if it's true. Getting dumped is the pits."

Rachel sighs, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Finn didn't break up with me. I ended it. And…oh Noah, I mean, he took it well, but…it still wasn't easy. I don't think I ever want to break up with anyone again. It's horrible, don't you think? I felt like crying."

"I've broken up with plenty of girls." He smirks. "More like asking them to leave my bedroom most of the time. With the few serious relationships I've had but…" Puck sighs and looks up at the ceiling. "Well, it's me always getting dumped then. Can't really blame them, I'm a shitty choice for a boyfriend." Rachel starts to interject (in the other world, Puck's the best boyfriend she's ever had), but he continues. "And you know, there's the fact that I've cheated on practically every girlfriend I've ever had."

Rachel freezes. She turns her head slowly to face him, eyes widening. "Excuse me?" she asks.

"I'm not proud of it, Rach…but yeah."

Suddenly, Rachel finds it hard to breath. It's like all of the air from her lungs has been sucked out, and there's a hollow feeling in her chest where it's all disappeared. "Even me?" She can't look at him. She can't. She can't. _You have to_. Rachel looks up, and wishes she hadn't because the look on Puck's face says it all.

"I'm real sorry, Rach. It was two days after we started dating in sophomore year, and the only reason I didn't tell you is 'cause we broke up a few days later, and I was still kinda pissed." _She can't breathe. She can't breathe. _"I couldn't find you at lunch, and Santana was there…she was the only one, though." _Where's all the air gone?_ "It was years ago though, don't matter now –are you gonna say anything? Rachel, you're starting to freak me out."

Her second world spawned after their meeting on the bleachers. The Noah that's her boyfriend only became so after that day. Everything he did before that…_I can't do this anymore_.

"I have to go," she blurts. She pushes his legs off her and they land on the floor with a thump. She stands up and walks fast to the door.

"Wait, are you mad?" he asks from the couch. Rachel swirls around on her heel.

"Yes, I'm mad!" she screams. Puck jumps in his seat, shocked at her outburst. "I _trusted_ you, Noah, and you went and…god dammit! I thought I could…you told me you…I _hate you_!"

"Why the hell are you yelling at me?" Puck gets off the couch and stalks over to her, standing inches away from her frame. He throws his arms up in the air. "We dated for _six_ days, Rachel. Two years ago. It shouldn't matter."

"Well, it matters to _me_!" Rachel sniffs, and wipes at her eyes. Puck reaches out for her, but she dodges his hand and moves for the door.

"Rachel, wait!" He grabs her hand and she immediately twists it out of his grip.

"Don't touch me," she snarls, before walking out the door, slamming it shut behind her. She practically runs to her car, not taking any chances with Puck following her.

Rachel cries all the way home. She didn't know it could hurt this much.

"_I love you too." "I don't want you to ever leave me." "I wanna stay like this forever." _

Every word he's ever said to her suddenly seems like a lie.

She can't do this anymore.

*/*

Boyfriend-Puck comes up to her at her lockers before school, hugging her from behind. Rachel pushes him away, trying to avoid his eyes. "Hey, baby, what's wrong?" he asks, sounding hurt. He tugs on her shoulders and pulls her around to face him. When she meets his eyes, all she can see is him and Santana together. It's like a clip of moving pictures inside her head of the two of them doing _things_ that make her stomach churn and her chest feel hollow. It's horrible and gut-wrenching and she wants to vomit.

"I hate you," she whispers (because apparently saying it to the other Puck just wasn't enough). He looks confused, and it only makes her angrier. Every feeling, every bit of pain is bubbling inside of her, just waiting to escape to the surface.

"What? Why? What did I do, I don't…"

Rachel takes a deep breath. "You and Santana."

"Rach, what are you talking about? I –" He pauses. "No, wait, it was _years_ ago, before I thought I had a chance –I never meant any of it, you know I love –" The sound of Rachel's hand hitting his face vibrates with a loud crack and echo's along the hallway, bringing a wave of silence over the noise of the students. Rachel looks him square in the eyes (pushing all the images to the back of her head) and wills herself not to cry with the next words she's going to say.

"Noah, we're through."

* * *

><p><em>"There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and there are those who turn one into the other." -Douglas H. Everett<em>

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><p>If the next chapter doesnt come within two weeks, I give you all permission to bomb me with death threats.<p>

Oh! And I recently got livejournal! If anyone knows how to upload a story on that site, please tell me, because clearly I know nothing about navigating anything on it. -.- Oh the joys of being an idiot...

Reviews are always welcome :)


	7. never too old for teddy bears

**Disclaimer:** Yeah...still no

This actually would have been uploaded a few days ago, but my internet did several funnies along the way, because it just LOVES me and my online needs.

It's short, but hopefully it makes up for what happens at the end of the last chapter. And seeing as I didnt watch the Choke episode of Glee, I have absolutely no idea what Rachel and Kurt did for their NYADA auditions (is that how you even spell it? O.o), so I kind of just made something up. Enjoy!

* * *

><p>Her auditions for NYADA are held at The Ohio Performing Arts Centre. Kurt goes with her, walking through the front doors, her hand in his. His composure is at an all-time high, but Rachel can tell he's just as nervous as she is. It's the little things she notices; the sweatiness of his palms, the constant flicks of his hair, the way his eyes keep moving around the room, flitting from one person to the other. She squeezes his hand reassuringly, catching his gaze. "It's going to be fine, Kurt. You and I are going to blow those judges out of the water. How could we not –you know us. We're both fantastic. NYADA would be incredibly stupid <em>not<em> to accept us."

"I know, Rachel. Believe me, I know." He sighs. "It doesn't stop me from being a little anxious, though." Kurt runs a hand through his hair, sitting himself down on one of the many chairs in the room. Rachel sits in the seat next to him, keeping a firm grasp on his hand. "This is such a big moment in my life…I can't help but be nervous. What if I mess up? God help me, it could happen."

"Kurt," she says firmly. "You can't think like that. Those types of thoughts only lead to failure. Do you think that Barbara was nervous on her first ever audition. Of course she was! These nerves are natural, everyone has them. Don't let them eat you up; otherwise you'll just set yourself up to fall. You and I, we're going to be just fine."

Kurt takes a deep breath, before plastering on a smile. "You're right, Rachel. I should really be more worried about all the other people here. No doubt, we're going to steal this away from them. We're too good to not, you know." Rachel laughs and hugs her friend. "Careful, sweetie. That's Armani you're crumpling there," he says, hugging her back with the same amount of rigor. Rachel can feel his heart thumping hard and fast against her own.

He's right, she thinks. This is a huge moment in her life. She _cannot_ mess this up. Stardom only comes but once in a person's life.

"_You're gonna be a star." _

Rachel scowls, and pushes all thoughts of Puck to the back of her mind. She doesn't need to be distracted with _him_ right now.

One of the downsides of living a double life means seeing twice as much of her ex-boyfriend/best friend. And when you're trying to avoid said person, it becomes twice as hard. Every day, they both try to talk to her in the halls. Every day, they bombard her phone with calls and text messages (all which go ignored). Every day, they knock on her door after school, sitting on her doorstep for an hour before giving up, walking back to their trucks and driving home, unaware of the girl sitting on the other side of the door who struggles with the urge to open it and pull the boy into a hug that she'd never break.

Her phone buzzes in her bag. She pulls it out to find a new text from Puck, her old best friend. Furrowing her brow in irritation, she puts the phone back in her bag, ignoring the look Kurt's giving her.

"You know you're going to have to speak to him eventually, right?" he says, inspecting his nails. "Glee is just painful to sit through, watching him shoot sad glances at you and then watching you cold stare him back. Honestly, I thought it would be rather entertaining to watch. But no –it's horrible. Blaine agrees."

"Well, what am I supposed to do, Kurt? Noah really hurt me, and I'm not exactly in the mood to forgive him at the moment."

Kurt throws his hands in the air and looks up at the roof, muttering "Sweet Jesus" under his breath. "Look, Rachel," he starts, head resting in his hand. "I don't know what it is that Puck did, because you're not saying anything, and he's definitely not, but is it really that bad? I know just as well as anybody how you tend to overreact sometimes."

"Trust me," she replies, sweeping the hair out of her eyes. "I'm not overreacting. My reaction to the situation regarding Noah and myself was perfectly reasonable. I have every right to be ignoring him right now."

Kurt sighs. "Fine. Whatever you say, honey. Shall we run through some scales? I'd hate to blow my chance because I failed to warm up properly. That would be, as they say, simply catastrophic."

An hour later, and it's Rachel's turn to perform in front of the judges. To say she's nervous would be an understatement; clearly, she's underestimated just how good the other contenders were. Before the auditions had started, she was confident that she could out-sing practically all the people in here. After watching some of the performances, she's now feeling somewhat presumptuous about that. She just knows that Kurt's made it with his performance of Defying Gravity, hitting that high f and holding it in a way that would have put Idina Menzel herself to shame. She only wishes she could be so sure about herself.

Her fingers are shaking as she accepts the microphone from a person with a clipboard and headset. She's worried she's going to drop the object. How funny would that be? Dropping the microphone half-way through her performance. She'd be the laughing stock of the hall. Known forever as the girl who let go of the mike. What would her dads' say?

_Stop stressing, babe. You're gonna do just fine, don't you worry that pretty little face of yours. _Rachel curses at herself, annoyed at just how much her inner voice sounds like Puck. Damn that boy, him and his voice. She was strong enough to do this on her own. She didn't need him.

"Rachel Berry," calls a voice from in front of the stage. One of the judges –a person from NYADA, no doubt –says her name into the microphone on his table, asking her, "Are you ready to start? State your name and the song you'll be singing for us today into the mike."

Rachel clears her throat before lifting the microphone to her lips (all the while praying in her head that her hands stay stable enough). "My name is Rachel Barbara Berry, and today I will be performing "Don't rain on my parade from the musical Funny Girl." She takes a deep breath in, and lets it out in the first note of a song that she's sung a thousand and one times before.

"_Don't tell me not to live, just sit and putter, life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter. Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade…" _

*/*

"I think we made it, Rachel." Kurt's driving his Navigator away from the hall, his breathing still heavy and uneven. Rachel nods from the passenger seat, struggling to control her own breath.

"I think we may have, Kurt." She grins, giggling. "We did it!" she squeals. Kurt laughs, lifting one of his hands of the steering wheel. Rachel takes his empty hand, smiling over at him. "Miss Berry and Mr Hummel, taking the first steps towards their amazing Broadway careers. Oh, when our biography's get published, there shall be an entire chapter dedicated to today and this milestone. Mark my words, Kurt –we're going to reach that star we need so very much. And it's all going to start at NYADA."

Kurt sighs dreamily, squeezing her hand. "Just think…in ten years' time, our names will be amongst the most spoken on the Broadway –if not _the_ most spoken. We'll be able to leave Lima and everyone behind us, leaving them to eat our fame-studded dust."

"_You're always talking about leaving all of Lima behind you in the dust, and I don't wanna be left behind. I wanna come to New York with you…"_

Rachel takes in a deep breath, forcing the smile to stay on her face. _Don't think about him, Rachel! You're stronger than that, remember?_

Kurt takes a left, turning down her street. When she sees Puck's car in her drive, her breath catches in her throat. Kurt seems to notice it too, and he looks over at Rachel, worry on his face. "Sweetie, do you want me to come in with you?"

"No, Kurt," she says, pulling her bag over her shoulder and opening the car door. "I'll be fine. It's nothing I can't handle." _I hope_. She waves goodbye to Kurt, closing the door behind her. She stands in her drive for a minute, watching as Kurt's car backs away from the curb, driving up and out of her street. She breaths in once, twice, and turns around on the third, coming face to face with the sight of a forlorn looking Puck. He's sitting on the front steps looking down at his feet. When his head moves up and he sees her, hope washes over his face. Hers however stays blank, and she forces herself to keep the expression as she walks up the path to him, corners of her mouth trembling and eyes itching.

"Rachel," he says quietly, almost like he doesn't believe she's standing in front of him. "I'm so sorry…I just…I didn't think it would –"

Rachel cuts him off. "I don't mean to hurry you along, Noah, but I promised Mercedes I'd call her as soon as I got back from my audition and I really don't want to keep her waiting." She stops herself from cringing when she sees Puck flinch at her tone.

"Yeah, that's fine," he says, sighing. One of his hands runs through his hawk, and she shudders at the memories of that that hand could do. It feels like so long since he's touched her…oh dear lord. "Y-you know that I'm sorry, right? I really, really am."

Rachel nods. "I accept that you've apologised. And I think you need to leave now. Thank you for coming. It was very nice of you." She can tell he notices how her voice is wavering. Puck's eyes are sadder than she's ever seen before. He stands up from the step, taking a few steps towards her till he's in a metre's proximity of her. His hand reaches out for her, but she moves away before his fingers can trace the skin on her arm. Puck lets out a shaky breath, and his hand falls limply to his side.

"I'll see you later, Rach," he croaks. He looks at her once more (she swears her heart stops in that second) and then turns his back on her, walking back to his car. Rachel sighs and walks up the steps to her door, wanting nothing more than to collapse on her bed and sleep through the next week.

*/*

The next day, she returns to The Ohio Performing Arts Centre with Kurt, who's wearing the same Armani coat and performs the same song at the same level of absolute perfection. Rachel belts out Barbara again, channelling all her anger and depression through the lyrics.

When Kurt drives her home, Puck's truck isn't sitting in her drive, and she refuses to let herself be upset by this. Why should she be, anyway? She walks up the steps to her door, fiddling through her bag to find her keys. She's fitting the key in the lock when a hand lands on her shoulder, giving her a fright. She gasps and swivels around, arm swinging at her attacker.

Santana catches her wrist with ease, raising an eyebrow at her attacker. "Seriously, Berry? You should know by now that it's not that easy to attack this bitch. Better luck next time, sweetheart."

"Santana," she starts, freeing her hand from her grip. "You shouldn't sneak up on me like that. How long have you been standing out here anyway?"

"Long enough to forget all my manners and be annoyed enough to scare you like that. It's pretty fucking cold out here. If you had any manners, you'd have invited me in." Rachel scowls. Santana just shrugs.

After unlocking the door, Rachel gestures for Santana to come in. Santana takes off her coat, slinging it over a banister on the staircase before making her way upstairs to Rachel's bedroom. Rachel eyes the coat before sighing, and following Santana up the stairs, muttering curses under her breath.

"So," Santana says, plonking herself on Rachel's bed. "Any reason you've been giving me and Puckerman the silent treatment this week. Not gonna lie, B, it's kinda hurtful."

Rachel sniffs, sitting herself down on the chair at her desk. "I'm surprised Noah hasn't told you already. You and him being so close and all." She's a little shocked at the venom in her voice, and it looks like Santana is too.

"Actually, he has. Just wanted to hear it from you." She picks up a teddy from Rachel's bed, playing with it in her hands. She sighs, looking up at Rachel. "I'm real sorry 'bout what happened. It was before you and I became friends, there's no way in hell I'd ever pull something like that now. And Puck's pulling himself apart over it. You know he loves you, right? He'd never act like such a fucking pussy for anyone else."

Rachel furrows her brow, staring down at her hands. "I'm well aware of Noah's feelings for me, and that you wouldn't do anything to hurt me now that we are –we _were_ close." Santana flinches. Rachel refuses to look up. "But the fact still stands that Noah cheated on me, and you helped him do it. It doesn't really matter when he did it, it's still been done. And there's nothing he can do to change the fact or make it any better."

"Now that's bullshit! Ok, maybe Puck can't change that he slept with me, but he _can_ make it better. You fucking _know_ he can. For fucks sake, he's been moping about this ever since you broke up with him. I don't think he's been this down since freaking Quinn and Beth blew up in his face in sophomore year. He loves you, B, and nothing's gonna change _that_ fact." Santana gets off the bed and stalks over to Rachel, staring her deep in the eyes. "You need to let this go. Whatever Puck did _two years ago_ doesn't mean that he doesn't still love you now. Do you not see the way that the guy stares at you? I swear to god, Rachel, if I had someone that looked at me like that…" She trails off.

"Santana, I –"

"No, don't say anything. It's not easy on him either. He's hurting just as much as you are from all this shit. One little fuck a few years ago means nothing compared to what you two have now. Just be grateful you have something like this in your life." Santana drops the teddy in Rachel's lap. She sighs, exhaling deeply. "I gotta go," she mumbles, looking away from Rachel. Rachel stares down at the bear in her lap, who looks back up at her, one of its glass eyes wonky. In the distance, she can hear a door shut, and she knows that Santana has gone. She sniffs, and walks over to her bed. She pulls the covers over her and the teddy, not caring that she's still fully clothed. The tears start to roll down her face, the sobs escape from her mouth, and she falls asleep like that, crying cries that no one but herself can hear.

*/*

The sky outside her window is dark when Rachel wakes. Her arms search under the doona for her bear, but it's nowhere to be found. She inwardly groans, wondering why she'd even woken up at all. Normally, she sleeps all through the night.

The answer to her question becomes apparent when she hears a _tap tap tap_ near her window. She sits up straight and jumps in her bed when she sees Puck sitting on a tree branch, knuckles raised near the glass. They stare at each other for a period of time –she's not sure how long. Through the glass, she can see he's torn apart, and it almost tears her apart with him. His lips mouth around the word "Please" and she exhales deeply, pushing the covers off her and trudging over to the window, using both of her hands to push it up. A gust of cold air rushes through the window, causing her to shiver. Puck quickly climbs through, closing the pane shut. He stands in front of her and meets her eyes, his mouth open but not saying anything, like he can't find the right words. Rachel notices that his eyes are red and bloodshot, and she wonders if he's been crying. Lord knows she has.

His hand slowly, tentatively reaches out and cups her cheek. Unlike yesterday, she doesn't push him away; instead, she closes her eyes and encloses her hand over his, her fingers tracing over his. "I'm so sorry," he chokes out thickly, clearing his throat. Rachel nods, tears stinging at the backs of her eyelids. Her face crumples up and she lets out a sob. Puck's quick to wrap his arms around her and tug her into his chest, nestling his face in her hair and muttering "Shh, don't cry, baby. It's all gonna be fine. We're gonna be ok, alright? Shh…" She sniffles, burying her face into his t-shirt. His hand strokes her hair softly, and he rests his chin on the top of her head. All she can focus on is the steady thumping of his heart. It's familiar, comfortable and soothing. Hugging Noah sometimes feels like the best thing in the world.

"Can you stay tonight?" she asks, looking up at him with big, wet eyes. He nods slowly and smiles, lifting her up into his arms with ease and walking her over to the bed, carefully placing her body down on the mattress. He frowns, and looks down at the floor. He picks up the bear that had fallen earlier and raises an eyebrow at her.

"Bit old for teddy bear's, aren't you?"

Rachel shakes her head. "You're never too old for teddies," she says seriously. Puck laughs and places the bear in her arms, shaking his head when she hugs it to her chest. He unzips his jeans and lets them fall to the floor, stepping out of them before crawling into bed next to Rachel, pulling the covers over both of them. His strong arms encase them both in, and she can feel one of his large hands stroking up and down her back softly, the other skimming into her hair. He leans forwards and presses his lips to hers. "I love you, Rach," he says quietly.

"I love you too, Noah." Rachel kisses him one last time, before nuzzling her face into her neck.

There's no way she's going to be able to choose the other world now. Not when this one just feels so very perfect.

* * *

><p>"<em>Every night, I fall asleep with you, and I wake up alone…" –Blink 182, New Hope<em>

* * *

><p>If you have not heard Blink 182's song 'New Hope', then listen to it. Now. So many Star Wars references...my brain malfunctions.<p>

Reviews are most welcome :)


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